The Daily Friday: Tuesday 1/21

It’s almost almost Almost Friday. Fuck yeah. Here’s everything you need to know to sound smart and crush this short week.

1. Tik-Tok is back (for at least 75 days) after going dark for less than 24 hours, which Instagram decided was the perfect time to fuck with the profile grid. You better not mess with the Reels algorithm. Mine is perfect right now.

2. Ohio State wins National Championship over Notre Dame, becomes champion of first ever 12-team College Football Playoff. The true hero of the evening: this golf cart lady. Excellence.

3. Rare winter storms head for the South, with the Gulf Coast seeing ‘historic snowfall’ in places like Houston, New Orleans, and Florida. Which one of the plagues are we on now and when do the frogs come in? That one feels fun.

4. Yesterday was Blue Monday, considered the most depressing day of the year. Well, that explains it. Definitely had nothing to do with my horrible life decisions, family history and abuse I put my body through every weekend.

5. Eventful weekend for Trump, who made $50B on his meme coin, signed 26 executive orders, pardoned 1,500+ Jan. 6ers and helped his boy Zuck see his first pair of real life boobies. Can’t wait for 4 years of Barron memes.

PS - due to popular demand, we are bringing back our monthly mailbags. Ask us your questions here (or just reply to this email) and catch up on every mailbag here. Enjoy.

NFL: Chiefs pull out all the stops to beat the Texans, leaning on a lethal combination of Caitlin Clark, the Rizzler and of course, passionately embracing and kissing referees to bail them out of key 3rd down situations.

The Eagles game was pure football porn, especially this NFL Films footage of Saquon’s game clinching TD run. I shed a tear and I’m not afraid to admit that. PS - I need a hook up with Jalen Hurts’ perc guy. He’s got the good shit.

Mack Hollins and the Bills owe Mark Andrews a huge thank you for dropping that 2 point conversion. If they lost and had to head to Cabo, this clip would’ve gone mega-viral.

Good game, Jayden but you were helped greatly by the LiAngelo Ball curse. He should have to live in Detroit for a year as punishment. That’ll teach him.

GOLF: Never related to anything more than this guy who posted a 13 at the AmEx Open.

HS FOOTBALL: Yeah, this catch by a 5-star recruit was cool and all, but it’s still got nothing on my Hudl tape. I easily gone D3 and quit after one season if I wanted to (reply to this email if you want my tape. Serious inquiries only.)

NHL: Penguins goalie Alex Nedeljkovic becomes first in NHL history to score a goal and record an assist in the same game. Save some for the rest of us pal!  

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WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Hell yeah: Progresso releases Soup Drops, chicken-noodle soup flavored lozenges for cold and flu season. If they don’t collab with Bowling for Soup for a catchy and inspiring jingle by the end of the quarter, I’ve lost all faith in Big Soup’s marketing teams.

CineMark held a BYO-Bucket where you could bring in your own container and get it filled with popcorn for $5. Cost-saving hack: bring in a shipping container, fill it to the absolute brim and live in the popcorn until you eat your way out (10-15 years??)

This dude who cut off a palm tree’s top has clearly never watched Looney Tunes. No fucking shit he’s gonna go flying in the air in comedic fashion. Wake up.

Sigh. Ms. Lipa: if you wanted my attention, you could’ve just called or texted. You didn’t have to threaten to 9/11 some poor airport. Not gonna take you back, but I’ll listen.

MONDAY MOVE

Electric. It’s only Tuesday but I’m ready to get back out there and try this bad boy out. Might even have to spring a cheeky impromputu happy hour tonight. Get out of the house, crush some pitchers, wings and regular season NBA, maybe even talk to a woman or two. That kind of thing.

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STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• I’m suddenly craving some BBQ and a foot rub. The power of effective advertising.

• Read this on your lunch break: Is 2025 actually the best time to be alive?

• The Microsoft Excel World Championships in Vegas actually look lit as hell. Pivot tables like you read about 😤😤

• This was a very good article on what makes Mike Tirico so great. Worth the read.

• The Trouble with Elon, written by his ex-friend Sam Harris, pretty much nails it. That and whatever this was.

• New life goal: get as rich as Chief’s owner Lamar Hunt, buy the Jets and build an owner’s suite that’s even sicker than his. Shoulda jumped on that Trump meme coin when I had the chance.

• It’s Tuesday. Let’s rip A Tortured Mind, Episode 1. The video that started it all. Because why the hell not?