The Daily Friday: Wednesday 1/15

1. Drake officially sues UMG for defamation, claiming that his own label pitted him against Kendrick for contract negotiations and there is no legal proof he is a pedophile. Having a court moderate a rap beef is crazy.

2. 2024 was officially the hottest year on record, topping the record that was set in 2023 (and 2022 before then.) Our ancestors could never have hunted or gathered in this modern era #soft.

3. LiAngelo Balls signs $13M deal with Def Jam Records after the viral success of his song “Tweaker.” Lavar Ball is a first-ballot Hall of Fame sports dad and I won’t hear otherwise. Makes Earl Woods look like Troy Bolton’s dad.

4. FDA bans red dye No. 3 from food, drinks and drugs, more than 30 years after it was linked to cancer. This sucks. I love the taste of red food dye and also have a death wish. Can’t catch a break these days.

5. The Tik-Tok ban might actually happen. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

But first, just a quick reminder : we’ll be donating all proceeds from merch sales for the rest of the week to the LAFD. Would mean a lot if you supported. Thanks team 🤝🤝

TIK TOK BAN

Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.

ByteDance has until Sunday to sell Tik-Tok USA to an American operator or the app will be banned nationwide. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

• On Friday, ByteDance’s lawyers argued in the Supreme Court to reverse the legislation signed by Biden last spring, claiming it was a violation of the First Amendment. While SCOTUS has not released their decision, all reports indicate that Tik Tok’s lawyers got cooked and the legislation will be upheld. Should’ve hired this man. He would’ve won in a landslide.

• While we wait, users have headed to the Chinese app Xiaohongshu aka Red Note, which became the Apple’s top downloaded app last week. As long as the guy who stares at car models gets more exposure, I’m happy. Personally, I would love to continue to give China not only my data, but my entire heart. I love you Xi Jinping 🥺

• There is movement to keep the app, with Bloomberg reporting yesterday that Elon Musk is being floated as a buyer for the platform, along with a ‘Project Liberty’ group led by former Dodgers owner Frank McCourt and Mr. Wonderful from Shark Tank. Additionally, a Democratic bill was introduced that could push the ban another 270 days and give us more time to watch dudes like this completely rock.

• Here’s the plus side: if Tik-Tok does actually get banned, that’ll free up a ton of time. Might be nice to actually meet and spend some time with my kids.

TENNIS: The Australian Open is underway and real-tennis heads are watching the Wii live-stream on YouTube. The moment Medvedev smashed his racquet is electric.

NFL: Cowboys head coaching job is up for grabs after McCarthy moves on and Deion’s name is being floated as his replacement. If that happens and they draft Shedeur, I might have to cancel ESPN. It would be the only thing discussed for the next 100 years.

NHL: Evgeni Malkin’s home is broken into and 3 Stanley Cup rings are stolen. How are you going to pawn those? Not a criminal, but seems like a waste of a good heist.

NCAAB: The North Texas - East Carolina catastrophe from last night was a bad beat of epic proportions. Dr. Locks broke it all down.

NBA: Jontay Porter’s trial is underway and the texts he sent to his bettors mid-game are insane. Gotta respect the hustle.

There’s locked-in and then there’s the Thunder sideline reporter conducting a post-game interview. One of one.

Actually kind of love the Raptors making this kid take off his Curry jersey before stepping on the court. Gotta draw the line somewhere.

LET’S LUCY

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Personally, I like to go with the Wintergreen 6mg pouches. Nothing brings me greater peace in life than lying on the couch after a long day of working sorta hard, popping a couple in, and re-watching Always Sunny for the 200th time. It just soothes me.

Warning: this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Not on our watch: Ryanair is demanding that airports limit passengers to two alcoholic drinks before boarding a flight. Disgusting. What’s the point of flying if you can’t hit up a Chilis to have 2 personal pitchers at 8 am?

Anyone who says America lacks skilled workers needs to watch this video ASAP. Being able identify different burgers by touch alone is a level of locked in few can aspire to.

Walmart’s “brand refresh” feels like a ‘spot the difference’ riddle. At least some consulting firm probably made $1M off the whole process. Good for them.

SOME OF YOU DURING DRY JANUARY

God, why is this one so relatable??

ROGUE ANIMAL OF THE WEEK

Moving into 2025, we’ve decided to pivot slightly from our previous Hump Day Hippo segment to expand our coverage to the entire animal kingdom.

This week’s nomination: the Indonesian crocodiles that have been faking drowning to lure humans into the water to save them, and then presumably eat them alive.

Not gonna lie, this would absolutely work on me. Anytime I see a drowning aquatic animal, I dive into the water to drag them to shore and immediately give them CPR. Doesn’t matter that I’m not a particularly strong swimmer and I’m afraid to open my eyes underwater because I wear contacts. That’s the kind of giver that I am.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Severance is finally back this Friday (loved this performance art marketing yesterday) and here’s a good long read to get you fired up about it, as creator Dan Erickson talks why Season 2 took so long and his own imposter syndrome.

• This thread on what we’ve learned from 150+ people who died and came back to life blew my mind. Huge sucker for this stuff.

• Read this on your lunch break: The Case for Brain Rot.

• Might have to hit up my childhood friends to steal Yogi Berra’s rings and organize a string of sports memorabilia heists like these guys. CBTM.

• Wait, hold up - the existence of Google’s quantum computer proves that parallel universes exist?? Why did no one tell me this? I hope the parallel universe version of me is happy and less addicted to self-sabotage🙏🏻

• It’s Wednesday and we’re officially at halftime of the week. Fuck it. Let’s rip the Any Given Sunday halftime speech and dominate the rest of the week. LFG.