The Daily Friday: Wednesday 1/22

1. MLB HOF inducts Sabathia, Billy Wagner and Ichiro (whoever prevented him from being unanimous should be Old Yeller’d.) Wake me up when the steroids guys and Pete Rose get to join. Nice moose knuckle though, Billy.

2. Trump Day 2 updates: 24 states have already sued over new immigration policy, the founder of Silk Road was pardoned and a $100 billion AI initiative has been launched. As long as this type of art survives, I’ll allow it.

3. Netflix stocks hits all-time high thanks to NFL, Tyson-Paul, and new Squid Games. Please also give credit to American Primeval. Just started but already convinced I would thrive in Oregon Trail times. Plus it’s got Tim Riggins. 10/10.

4. Snowstorms continue in the South, as thousands of flights are cancelled, FL and AL get record snowfall, and New Orleans discovers the joys of street hockey. Kudos to Gulf of America for making a splash in your first week.

5. Johnson and Johnson gets FDA approval for ketamine-derived nasal spray designed to treat depression. Finally don’t have to steal it from a vet’s office anymore. That’s a nice weight off my shoulders.

NBA: KAT drops 25 and 16 and we all know exactly why: Sydney Sweeney was in the house. An NBA team should sign her to a massive deal to show up to every game. Every player would have a career year.

Good lord, Lebron James. This dunk was so good I forgot about all those Diddy parties you went to. Well done, sir.

NCAAB: I’m with Danny Hurley: he’s the best coach in college basketball, so he should get every single call no matter what even in a fire.

GOLF: Scottie Scheffler blames his extended absence on ‘ravioli’ that caused him to get hand surgery. Don’t bring ravioli into this Scottie. You criminal.

MLB: Is there a luckier 11 year old alive than this kid who found the Paul Skenes rookie card that gets him 30 years of season tickets behind home plate and a date with Livvy Dunne? Maybe Harry Potter in Book 1 (should’ve been killed by Quirrell/Voldemort, had no business starting at seeker, gets to escape Dursleys, etc.) but it’s a short list.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Justin Bieber unfollows his wife Hailey Bieber on Instagram, blames a hacker. Imagine breaking into one of the 10 most famous people’s phones in the world and simply unfollowing their wife without even bothering to scam a woman out of $850k. Waste.

Woman gets busted by police with a bag full of meth that read ‘Definitely Not a Bag Full of Drugs.’ Can’t believe that didn’t work. Cops have gotten really good these days.

Elon admits to cheating at Diablo 4 and Path of Exile 2 and once again, this man’s capacity for conflict astounds me. I barely have the mental energy to hold down a job, nicotine addiction and 4 friendships and he’s doing all this shit. Can’t be worth it.

BREAKING VIRAL PODCAST NEWS

BREAKING: America’s hottest podcast, Will & Rusty’s Podcast, is now dropping twice a week, every Monday and Wednesday. That’s right, double the chances for things that don’t exist, fun banter with the boys, and most importantly, pranking Lauren.

Every Monday and Wednesday, prepare yourself for some piping hot content to hit your eardrums. Subscribe now or forever hold your peace.

ROGUE ANIMAL OF THE WEEK

Congratulations to this week’s rogue animal of the week, this extremely jacked dolphin (porpoise?)

Why does this dolphin look like ripped Jeff Bezos? All that’s missing is an online shopping empire, his jacked Latina girlfriend and his best dolphin friend Zuck standing nearby to peek at her boobies mid-inauguration. Not too much to ask.

This is another healthy reminder that you would never survive in the wild because animals are absolutely shredded as hell. Kinda like this hairless monkey. So stay inside, where it’s safe. Capesh?

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• How Rusty became a LEGO professional in 30 days. Must watch content.

• Read this on your lunch break: The Anti-Social Century.

• Some Friday Beers lore: the story behind the greatest merch caption of all time.

• Empire of Blood: How Dana White’s UFC Conquered America is another good read for the can (old slang word for shitter) this afternoon.

• Not that I needed it, but the case for moderate drinking is a very convincing one. Shoutout Derek Thompson who got two (2) articles in this section. Big day.

• It’s Hump Day and Ichiro induction day. Spend your day bingeing Ichiro content: including this quote, this clip, these pics, this iconic first pitch (94 MPH!), the time he met Pedro, highlights from him dominating a HS girl’s baseball team in his 50s and an 8 minute compilation of his best plays ever.