The Daily Friday: Wednesday 10/2

1. Walz and Vance square off in VP debate last night and besides Walz claiming he’s friends with school shooters and JD complaining he can’t lie, nothing that interesting happened. Bring back the Mike Pence fly.

2. Israel vows that Iran ‘will pay’ for its missile attack and that they will respond swiftly and ‘significantly.’ We’re really gonna get World War III before the new Call of Duty, smh.

3. RIP to the Hit King, Pete Rose, who passed away at 83 yesterday. Enjoy his best moments and one insane stat: he was a 17x All-Star at 5 different positions. Legend.

4. Diddy lawsuit contains 120 sexual assault allegations, as lawyer says videos involving high-profile celebrities with ‘names that will shock you’ are set to emerge as well. Honestly, it probably won’t shock me, but drop ‘em.

5. Union port workers strike across country in a move that could cost the economy $5 billion and make it harder to find booze. Ok give them whatever they want and end it now. Getting the shakes just thinking about it.

There is a LOT of crazy shit going on right now but here’s the craziest: Jimmy Carter made it to 100 years old and officially is too old for Legos. He he’s seen World War II, five stock market collapses, two J-Lo and Ben Affleck marriages, and zero Chris Paul championships. What a life.

MLB: Tigers continue their unlikely run, taking Game 1 off 6 shut out innings from Tarik Skubal. Dude is unhittable.

Mets stay hot, beat Brewers in Game 1. They just wanted it more. Thank you Grimace.

Tatis Jr. hits a HR in his first post season swing in 4 years, an absolute moonshot, as Padres win Game 1 over the Braves.

CBB: This video blew my mind: Florida’s Olivier Rioux is so tall that a 7’1 player has to jump to high five him. They need to throw him in jail until we know what’s going on.

NFL: Davante Adams has told the Vegas Raiders that he ‘prefers to be traded.’ If he doesn’t go to the Jets, I’m actually going to be inconsolable.

Not a scientist or anything, but perhaps one of the Eagles’ problems is that their players go on podcasts hosted by their bitter division rival and laugh at their teammates getting beat in coverage. Just a thought.

MNF Update: Will Levis is 4-4 this year with insanely memeable photos. Linsanity run.

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Plus, if you buy today with code DAILY, you’ll get 20% off any purchases $20 or more

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

CATASTROPHE: Cameron Brink got engaged to her boyfriend before she had a chance to read my DMs to her. I just hope she’s not making the biggest mistake of her life.

Fat Bear Week 2024 delayed after a fight between rivals is captured on live stream. They should just celebrate it in Chicago and follow Keenan Allen around for a week.

A woman named Marijuana Pepsi says she doesn’t smoke weed or drink soda. Next you’ll tell me Meat Loaf is a vegan and the Sour Patch Kids are actually sweet adults.

All hail the latest viral zoo animal, a penguin named Pesto who is larger than both of his parents. Him and Moo Deng need to fight to the death. Loser gets to be added into a delicious stew for me and my loved ones this Saturday evening.

HUMP DAY HIPPO

This week’s entry: Homewrecked Hippo

We’ve all found ourselves in a situation like this before.

You’re deep in the throes of making love to another hippo’s wife when he unexpectedly comes home early from the swamp and catches you mid act. You scramble out of the door and run into the African safari as he gives chase. Eventually, he catches you and mauls you within an inch of your life. In the hospital, as you recover from your injuries, you swear to yourself that you’ll start making healthier relationship choices, stop the rock and roll lifestyle and turn your life around. And somehow, against all odds, you do.

6 months later you run into that hippo at the local watering hole. You buy him a hippo beer. He begrudgingly accepts and you start chatting. He tells you that he and his wife have never been better. He had been taking her for granted for years and your fling was exactly they needed to rekindle the spark. They’re renewing their vows in the mangroves next month. He invites you. You accept, but you both know you won’t show. That’s ok. This is enough. And for now, enough is…enough.

IS RUSTY TOO FAT FOR EXTREME SPORTS?

The question we’ve all been asking, answered at long last on the latest episode of How Cool. Thank god this show is back. I haven’t been myself for the past month and I blame it entirely on their hiatus. Praying that this fixes me 🙏🏻

HUMP DAY HERO,

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• This tweet has maybe the perfect caption. Probably watched it 100x.

• Read this on your lunch break: The Strange Romance of Seahorses.

• TBT to the time the Nationals’ Michael Morse hit a HR with no bat. Reminds me of time my HS baseball coach made us do pregame infield/outfield with no ball in front of the other team to ‘visualize making plays.’ Wildly strange man.

• The Onion News Network is back. Finally.

• Did Sabrina Carpenter actually get Eric Adams indicted? I’m gonna say yes.

• We’re halfway to the weekend. Enjoy this video of a 9-year who is addicted to giving stiff arms to get you over the hump.