Senators announce bill to ban AI companions for minors, would institute strict age verification processes. This might be the only piece of legislation every side can agree on. Would be a tough breakup for 20% of teens.
World Series even at 2-2, as the Blue Jays take Game 4 following an 18-inning edge session victory by the Dodgers. Brad Paisley - please do NOT sing any more national anthems. Can’t keep staying up past my bedtime like that.
Mass layoffs hit Corporate America, as Amazon, UPS, Chegg, Paramount, Target and others announce headcount reductions during Q3 earnings calls. LinkedIn is about to become a war-zone.
Albania’s AI-powered cabinet member named Diella is officially pregnant with 83 children, according to the country’s Prime Minister. It’s really hard to imagine living in a more perfect timeline than this one. No notes.
Bill Gates softens his tone on climate change, cautions against taking a doomsday view on the planet. Interesting timing for this one as a hurricane named after his ex-wife is currently ravaging Jamaica and Cuba.
ROBOT THAT DOES CHORES FOR YOU
Massive news for anyone with a spare $20,000 lying around who hates chores and data privacy: a robotics company called 1x is accepting pre-order for their new humanoid robot named NEO. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.
This guy is coming to water your plants and fuck your wife. And not necessarily in that order
The robot stands at 5 feet 6 inches, weighs 66 pounds and is capable of lifting 3x its bodyweight. This thing would absolutely dominate as NJ high school wrestling scene (the only thing that really matters in the world.)
Neo is designed to assist in household chores and comes in 3 colors - tan, grey and dark brown. Awesome, thanks for making us pick the skin color of our new robot housemaid. Doesn’t feel weird at all.
While the robot needs to be trained for tasks, training videos show it completing standard chores like watering plants, vacuuming carpets, putting away dishes from a dishwasher, and pouring a cocktail. Well, fuck - there goes my dream career as a stay at home dad. If they start banging our wives like the prophesy says, it’s all over.
For now, you can pre-order a humanoid for $200 (!!!) with a subscription service of $499/month or a total cost of $20k, and receive the item by 2026. However, the early models will still need to be operated by a human with VR aka the Coco Delivery bot model. Yeah, I’ll pass thanks though.
Buying Cannabis Online Is Now Legal, And Incredibly Convenient
Thanks to changing laws buying THC online is now 100% federally legal.
And when it comes to quality, reliability and ultimate convenience, Mood is leading the way…
Because, instead of memorizing confusing strain names – you simply choose how you want to feel: Creative, Social, Focused, Relaxed, Happy, Aroused, and more.
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
BREAKING: the British have done something right for once in their lives, as two twin UK brothers grow a pumpkin to a world record 2,819.3 pounds, or as we call it in America, 3,731.32 dollars (based on current market rate.)
The only function of science at this point in history is to grow pumpkins as large as humanly possible. Evolution is perfect
The latest rich people trend is $250 wasp nests that you keep in your living room for decor. First they stopped wearing pants, then they became obsessed with honey and now this? Rich people want to be Winnie the Pooh so bad, it’s not even funny.
I would turn around if I walked into a room with a wasp nest in it.
Thoughts and prayers go out to Dolphins billionaire owner Stephen Ross, who was forced to walk over 20 feet from his private jet to his private car after landing. Genuinely heartbreaking.
He even had to open his own car door and put on his own jacket too. He probably has PTSD after all this, poor guy.
Life is hard. You can be a star footballer like Erling Haaland and still have your gf publicly say that she was in love with your best friend before you. Exactly why I’m only friends with some of the most unlovable, ugly dudes on the planet (shoutout Sam.)
I’m not sure why celebrities feel the need to post stuff like this, but I’ll continue to consume it. Thank you celebrities.
Who Was Today's Hump Day Hero?
HUMP DAY HIPPO
Nothing to see here, just a hippo casually chomping on an alligator while the rest of his crew watches. Just another day in the life.
Looks absolutely delicious, if I do say so myself
Halloween has gotta be an absolute blast for hippos in the wild, when you think about it.
Imagine trick-or-treating in the Sahara? All the young hippos going from nest to nest, dressed up as famous hippos throughout history (Moo Deng is a popular one this year) and receiving delicious crocodile candy from their neighbors? Is there anything better?
In the cut-throat, hippo-eat-hippo world that is the African desert, it’s nice to find a bit of peace and camaraderie, at least once a year. We should all strive to be more like hippos.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
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Read this on your lunch break: We Used to Read Things in This Country (we still do on this newsletter 😤
It should come as a surprise to no one that MJ hates load management.
This interview with Biden’s former press secretary on why she’s leaving the Democratic Party is truly baffling stuff.
RELATABLE VIDEO ALERT: when she says ‘your wand is the perfect size, the big ones are scary.’ Never felt more seen. Thanks Sahib.
Wait are you guys all dreaming of Mall World without me? I wanna hang out in our dreams together.
It’s Hump Day. Let’s fire up some classics from my new favorite page to get us through the day. Hell yes.
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