House expected to vote on a bill to end the shutdown today, after 8 Democrats flipped on Monday to pass a version through the Senate. Does this mean we can do something about these Epstein emails now?
Michael Caine and Matthew McConaughey will allow AI generations of their voices after signing deal with ElevenLabs. Pretty fucked up to take jobs away from Michael Caine impersonators. Michael Caine has gotta be pissed.
The McRib is back at McDonalds for a limited time, despite it’s repeated ‘farewell tours’ the past few years. This is like that college kid who keeps going back to their old high school. Just move on, McRib. It’s embarrassing.
Mavs fire Nico Harrison 9 months after Luka trade and 24 hours after their team governor talked to a fan about it at a game. Love to imagine a world where this is the first time he knew people were pissed about it.
The Pope has announced his favorite films, which include It’s a Wonderful Life, The Sound of Music, Ordinary People and Life is Beautiful. Not a single Bernie Mac film on this list? Has he even seen Mr. 3000?? #notmypope
NETFLIX THEME PARK
Netflix has finally hit the mall game, as the network opens ‘Netflix House’ at the King of Prussia mall in PA (goated mall btw.) The space is free to enter and features ‘dining and activities’ based on popular shows like Wednesday, Stranger Things and Squid Games (I’ll pass) and is the first of its kind from the network.
These are cool and all, but they’re not going far enough. Here are 5 suggestions for new attractions they can add.
I love that they didn’t even bother hiding that this is a former Lord and Taylor.
Real life Love is Blind speed dating night. Ugly people need love too.
Nobody Wants This center for people who might want to convert to Judaism but aren’t totally sure yet even though they love their partner that they have zero chemistry with but they reallyyyy might next season so keep watching.
An Ozark banking area that will help you launder thousands of dollars to help you pay off your new 50 year mortgage.
An Apple-store knockoff where you get to test new tech products and have to determine if they’re real or from an episode of Black Mirror.
Netflix and Chill Zone: a private room you can frequent if you get stood up for a Netflix and chill night with an actual date. Strip clubs in the strip malls? The future is here.
SHARE AND SAVE
Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. See Terms and Conditions.
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WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
The 2025 Housekeeping Olympics are officially underway in Vegas, as hotel’s staff compete in challenges for a cash prize. My money’s on the Bellagio staff. I’ve known they were elite cleaners ever since they helped me dispose of a body last fall.
Mrs. Doubtfire would body all of you in this and you know it
After reading this study that shows teen binge-drinkers earn more and are more successful adults, I’ve decided to do my part and purchase booze for local high schoolers this weekend. Just doing my part to create productive members of society.
The correlation here is definitely 'teen binge drinking leads to success’ not ‘people who go to college and binge drink when they’re 18 end up being richer’
The ‘Now You See Me: Now You Don’t’ popcorn bucket is very hard to fuck, but not impossible. Trust me.
A magician never reveals his tricks. You’ll have to see for yourself
Gotta hand it to this man who stole a bus and drove it 150 miles home after the bus he was supposed to be on was too full to ride. What was he supposed to do, wait for the next one? Don’t punish resourcefulness.
GTA is a lesson plan
Who Was Today's Hump Day Hero
HUMP DAY HIPPO HISTORY LESSON
History lesson: In the early 1900s, the US was experiencing a meat crisis and Congress came up with a bold plan - ship in a fuck-ton of hippos from Africa and create Hippo Ranches - where the beautiful beasts would be raised for slaughter.
In an alternate universe where hippos become farm animals and cows are allowed to roam free in the wild, this segment would be called Hump Day Heffers. Still goes hard.
That's right, if things had gone a differently, we would all be eating hippo burgers and spaghetti hipponese and drinking hippo milk (which is almost pink btw, a story for a whole other newsletter.) Thank god we decided to stick with cows aka JV hippos for all our meat and dairy needs.
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STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
NBA season is officially back in full swing. Here’s how to show you know ball. Right in time.
Read this on your lunch break: What Kind of Person Watches Tik-Toks on the Subway Full Volume With No Headphones?
NBA money is so insane that career 8th man Reggie Bullock owns his own private island. I knew I should’ve gotten a job as a 3-and-D role player. Kicking myself.
Is Rachel Sennot the TV star for the Tik-Tok generation? HBO is betting she is. (I’m not the target audience, but I did like the first 2 episodes of I Love LA.)
AI sucks and is annoying but the chiropractor videos are incredible stuff.
The Internet is obsessed with a 50 year old shipwreck the Edmund Fitzgerald right now. Here’s why.
It’s Hump Day. Fuck it. Throwback to one of the greatest YouTube videos of all time. WKYUK is on the Mt. Rushmore of internet sketch groups (along with AFTV, Derrick Comedy and Good Neighbor Stuff.)
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