Extreme weather expected today, causing disruptions during the year’s busiest travel day. Ideal conditions for tomorrow’s family football game. I dare my preteen cousin to try to meet me in the C gap during a blizzard. Coward.
Bill Belichick’s girlfriend Jordon Hudson is suing Pablo Torres, after the journalist has devoted multiple episodes to their relationship and her involvement in UNC football. Seems like it’s off to a hot start already.
Trumps pardons turkeys Gobble and Waddle, who will now live out their remaining days at NC State in their poultry department. Kinda sick they escaped their small town and got an education. Way to better yourself, boys.
A Campbell’s soup VP is in hot broth after recordings leaked of him saying they “makes shit for poor people….I don’t wanna eat a piece of chicken that comes from a 3D printer.” Speak for yourself. Sounds delicious #souphead
New brain study shows that adolescence lasts into your 30s, just in time to show your dad tomorrow. Remember: you’re not a loser, you’re a growing boy who still needs his rent paid and some walking around money. It’s science.
BLACKOUT WEDNESDAY MANIFESTATIONS
It’s Blackout Wednesday aka Thanksgiving Eve aka one of the biggest drinking nights of the year. Literally. Bars see a 156% increase in liquor orders and a 60% increase in beer and wine tonight, so don’t worry - you’re not alone.
Support local bars and drink yourself into a coma tonight.
Before you head into the hornet’s nest that is drinking with your hometown friends, former flames, and current enemies, it’s important to get in the right frame of mind.
Close your eyes, put on soothing music, and repeat the following mantras after me:
You will see Jessica tonight. You will not confess your love for her. You haven’t dated since you were sophomores in high school. She is happily engaged to a jacked, tan dude who works in finance.
It is not weird that you’re the oldest person at the bar by like 10 years right now. You’re unc, dude. That’s cool.
You are much funnier and well-spoken when you are black out drunk.
This is the perfect time to confront Mark Long. Sure, he was sick in high school. But that dude sucks. He never left your hometown and now he what? Runs a construction business, and has a beautiful home with a wife and 2 kids? Poser. Move to NYC, get a job that will soon be replaced by AI, and accumulate $34k in credit card debt like a real man. He WISHES he had 4 roommates like you.
Jessica is not staring at you in disgust. She is making meaningful eye contact. Approach.
People want to hear about YOU. They don’t want you to ask about THEM. That’s how a conversation works.
It is necessary to ask Jessica why she cheated on you with Mark Long at Spring Fling sophomore year. You deserve closure.
It’s good that you’re crying in front of everyone. Men shouldn’t be afraid to feel things. Publicly.
Your dad wants to come pick you up from the bar at 2 am. It’s nice for him to get out of the house sometimes.
Jessica will unblock you on LinkedIn after the holidays.
Good luck out there, gentlemen.
SHARE AND SAVE
Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. See Terms and Conditions.
Account Overdrawn. The most chilling two words in the English language. Not only are you out of money but now you have to pay MORE money in fees? It’s a travesty.
Luckily, Cash App is here to help. When you direct deposit at least $300 in paychecks each month, Cash App has your back with up to $200 in free overdraft coverage. Now that’s pretty good.
PLUS for a limited time only, new Cash App customers can use our exclusive code to earn some additional cash. For real. Just download Cash App, use our exclusive referral code FRIDAY10 in your profile, send $5 to a friend within 14 days, and you’ll get $10 dropped right into your account. Terms apply.
*Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Direct deposit, Overdraft Coverage and Discounts provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures.
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
KFC Mexico is launching a new Stranger Things collab meal, with an Eleven burger, a bucket of chicken and a side of Stranger Sauce for just $10. Normally, filling your tummy with a stranger’s sauce in Mexico costs at least twice that. Absolute steal.
Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my morning Stranger Bucket and nine Eleven burgers
Very troubled that the “Russian Popeye” who injected his arms with petroleum jelly may have to get them amputated after “severe infections.” I have been doing this to my penis for months now and am seeing some good results (+9 cm 😤😤) but the pain is really starting to get to me. Really hope I get to keep my little guy.
I’m absolutely stunned this didn’t work. My world is shattered.
Two 21 year old men from North Texas were thwarted in their plans to take over a small Haitian island, murder all the men, and enslave the women as sex slaves. Life lesson: not all plans need to leave the group chat.
“Dude what if we took over a small island nation and just like ran shit? I feel like we could pull it off”
If your mom is giving you a hard time tomorrow about being a “failure” and “complete and total loser”, show her this article about an unemployed son who collected pension from his dead mom by dressing up as her Mrs. Doubtfire style. Could always be worse.
He has a promising career as a make-up artist. This was really well done
Who Was Today's Hump Day Hero?
HUMP DAY HIPPO
It’s Thanksgiving for Hippos too this week. Here’s hoping they get to spend time with their families, like this crew. Let’s keep the Thanks in Thanksgiving tomorrow (pretty sure I made that up, not sure if it makes sense, but whatever.)
I’m man enough to admit this is a top 5 cutest thing I’ve ever seen
Stop Drowning In AI Information Overload
Your inbox is flooded with newsletters. Your feed is chaos. Somewhere in that noise are the insights that could transform your work—but who has time to find them?
The Deep View solves this. We read everything, analyze what matters, and deliver only the intelligence you need. No duplicate stories, no filler content, no wasted time. Just the essential AI developments that impact your industry, explained clearly and concisely.
Replace hours of scattered reading with five focused minutes. While others scramble to keep up, you'll stay ahead of developments that matter. 600,000+ professionals at top companies have already made this switch.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
It’s that time of year for the greatest Thanksgiving clip of all time. Thank you Almost Friday Pod.
Read this on your lunch break: The Stories We Tell Ourselves About the American Revolution.
Don’t know how to spend Thanksgiving this year? Here is the perfect schedule to maximize the day.
If you read one article this year, make it this one on the RFK Jr. x Oliva Nuzzi love affair. Incredible work. Got me hooked from the piece paragraph.
I still can’t believe they cut this scene from the original Spider Man movie. Make it make sense.
A new version of 30 year old mic’d up roommates just dropped. It’s a good day.
It’s Blackout Wednesday. Fuck it. Never quit drinking.
Like our newsletter? You’ll love our podcast. Episodes out every Friday, wherever you get your podcasts.
How Friday Was Today's Post?
