The Daily Friday: Wednesday 11/27

1. Dictionary.com chooses ‘Demure’ as its word of the year and I’m sick to my stomach. That lasted for like a week. Hawk Tuah will last for a lifetime. 

2. College hoops is off to an electric start, as #9 Bama pulls out an OT win over #6 Houston, #1 Kansas beats Duke in a thriller and #2 U-Conn loses twice in Maui. Danny Hurley is gonna hit a ref by the end of the season.

3. Drake files legal action over ‘Not Like Us’, alleges that UMG music label artificially pushed Kendrick’s diss track. Savvy. Threatening to sue after losing a fight is my go-to move (really helps to tell them your dad is a lawyer btw.)

4. Blue Man Group announces they will give up NYC residency after 30+ years and I’m distraught. I’ve been training to audition for months: should I just dump all this blue paint in a fresh water source? Someone check on Tobias.

5. Biden pardons two turkeys. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

PARDON MY TURKEY

On Monday, President Biden continued the annual tradition of pardoning turkeys, sparing the lives of “Peach” and “Blossom” at the White House. How beautiful, right? Wrong.

Peach and Blossom didn’t get the gift of life. They were saddled with the curse of survivor’s guilt.

As these two leave the White House and head to a farm in Minnesota where they’ll spend their remaining days, a flood of questions must enter their turkey brains. Why were they chosen to carry on while their loved ones became Thanksgiving dinner? How are they supposed to live after they were raised to die? Why did that old man in the sunglasses keep muttering about Ukraine and ice cream? Is he gonna be ok?

President Biden may have pardoned them, but can they pardon themselves?

WHO HATES STUFFING????

Who the fuck hates stuffing?

Do you also hate the soft touch of a woman? A cool summer’s breeze? The satisfying pop of a perfectly executed dap? One wipe poops? Taking ski boots off? Being awake for a booty call? The first night of vacation? Finding out something’s on sale at checkout? Having that first sip of Friday Beers with your absolute boys who you positively cherish but haven’t seen in a few months? Hot Tubs?????

Green Bean Casserole is actually gross, though. Not gonna argue that.

THE NO-NONSENSE GROOMING BRAND FOR EVERY MAN

Hey Handsome, Nice Face You Shaved There. 

Has anyone ever said that to you? If not, it’s probably because you haven’t tried out Dollar Shave Club yet. 

Whether you’re going for a clean, close shave or keeping the beard tight, Dollar Shave Club has all the shave and grooming products you need. Always high quality, never over-priced. 

My personal favorite has gotta be the Club Series Diamond Grip Handle. With a diamond patterned grip designed for comfort and control, it’s super clingy in a good way. And once you pair with their Club Series 6 Blade Razor, what’s better than that?

Plus, if you buy today with code DAILYFRIDAY, you’ll get 20% off any purchases $20 or more

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

THIS LEAGUE. NC’s ‘Sexiest Collard Farmer’ contest faces scandal due to censoring of risqué user photos. Take it easy fellas, you’re making me a little hot under the collard!

Revenge is a dish best served with cum? Worker admits he cranked hog into his boss’s beard oil for payback after an argument, which is impressive. It takes me so long to get hard these days that a project like this would take me 5 business days.

DEVELOPING: Man at hometown bar currently one beer away from confessing love for currently engaged ex-girlfriend from sophomore year.

Traveling during the holidays is so relaxing. Man absolutely loses his shit on airplane seat and the no-fly list just got its newest member 🙏🏻🙏🏻

HUMP DAY HIPPO

Today’s entry: Holiday Hippos

Majestic. Few floats perfectly capture their subjects like this one. The crazed eyes. The massive chompers. The beautiful, voluptous body. Michelangelo himself would struggle to sculpt a piece of marble with this much precision and care.

This float was constructed in 1931, which shouldn’t surprise you. Back then, we used to value art and craftsmanship. We used to build things that mattered. That stood the test of time. Now it’s all “gooning” & “mewing” & “jorkin your peanits til you costco guys.”

I showed this hippo float to my landlord/uncle, an insanely talented craftsman. I asked him what it would cost to build this today. I’ll never forget his answer: “We can’t…we don’t know how to do it.” I nearly cried.

My go to holiday drink!

The holidays are filled with delicious indulgences that often lead to digestive discomfort. If you’re seeking a natural remedy, matcha is the answer! Did you know matcha green tea has 30 times the antioxidant activity of blueberries? One cup is like drinking 10 cups of regular green tea, packed with benefits like catechin antioxidants for recovery and L-theanine for calm energy. Gift wellness this season with Pique’s Sun Goddess Matcha, which is organic and quadruple toxin-screened. Enjoy 20% off site-wide for a limited time! Cheers to better health!

Black Friday Special: Get free luxury gifts with purchase!

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• The best way to spread Christmas cheer is rocking gear from Friday Beers. Especially when it’s 25% off sitewide. Simple as that.

• Interview with a boyfriend attending his girlfriend’s family’s Thanksgiving is hilarious. Thank you for service, Joey Mulinaro.

• Read this on your lunch break: What Makes a Meme Go Viral and Can We Predict It? An academic discussion.

• 🚨New insane Wicked press tour clip just dropped 🚨 Perfect time to plug this interview with the journalist from the ‘holding space for the lyrics of defying gravity’ clip. Definitely an interesting woman!

• New trailer for live-action Lilo and Stitch movie dropped and I’m still reserving judgment. If they don’t make Lilo’s sister caked up as the original, I’m out.

• This interview with a Twitch streamer who went live for 3 years straight was morbidly fascinating.

• It’s the night before Thanksgiving aka Blackout Wednesday. Go get shit-faced with your hometown friends that don’t exist. Enjoy.