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NFL trade deadline is extremely active, as 13 major deals went down yesterday that could swing the playoff race. Life lesson: there is no worse investment than a New York Jets jersey (2027 is gonna be sick though.)
General election results come in across the country, as Democrats sweep races in VA, Georgia, New Jersey and NYC. TBD if any of these people actually get to work as we hit a record 36th day of shutdown. This might last forever.
Pizza Hut’s parent company Yum! Brands explores ‘strategic options’ for the declining franchise, including a sale of the brand. It turns out that someone actually can outpizza the hut? My entire world has collapsed.
Palantir and Nvidia stocks fall after Michael Burry, the investor who predicted the ‘08 housing bubble & made famous by the Big Short, announces a $900M+ bet against them. Feels like a good time to share a Top 5 sketch.
Millie Bobby Brown reportedly filed a harassment and bullying claim against David Harbour, the actor who plays Hopper, during filming. The viral marketing for Stranger Things is really getting out of control.
2025’S SEXIEST MAN ALIVE
Congratulations to Jonathan Bailey, star of Glee and recipient of People Magazine’s annual yearbook superlative award for the coveted title of Sexiest Man Alive. He’s a hot, handsome, hunk of a fella for sure. But is he truly the sexiest man alive?
Here’s who got snubbed.
Jeremy Allen White should have won this year. Just look at him. He’s stunning.
The Louvre Robbers: their mugshots are going viral and technically “fake” and “not the real robbers” but still. They look like Riverdale characters.
Shrek When He Turned Human: Sorry for spoilers but to be fair, you’ve had 20+ years to see Shrek 2. Human Shrek is actually hotter than Human Fiona. I said it.
Andi Reed: this is Andy Reed but enhanced to be a woman. This just does it for me. Don’t yuck my yum.
Willem DeFoe as the Green Goblin (2002): this is peak male performance. Sorry if that offends you.
Super Chef Bobby Flay: if it’s good enough for Ari’s wife in Season 8 of Entourage, it’s good enough for anyone. Yes, chef.
Dwyane Wade Statue: just a modern work of art. No notes.
Dick Cheney: I’m assuming he was going to win before he sadly passed away yesterday. You can’t really win Sexiest Man Alive if your’e dead. But yeah - politics aside, a very good looking cat.
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WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
Brady reveals his new dog Junie is a clone of his dog Lua who died 2 years ago. Jesus dude. You already defeated every NFL team, the concept of aging, traditional norms around kissing your kids on the lips, and now you defeat death itself? Give it a rest.
Just wait until Kirk Herbstreit gets wind of this
Canadian thieves make off with $80k in whipped cream after robbing a trailer. Coincidence this happens right as Diddy’s sentence may get shortened? I think not.
Who would steal $80k in whipped cream?
After breaking her wrist July 1st, Red Panda has made her triumphant halftime performance return, dominating a performance at halftime of the Bulls game last night. This is why I stashed her on IR in my fantasy league. Never give up on greatness.
May have been the greatest ESPN notification ever received. Almost makes me forgive them for fucking up YouTube TV (almost.)
Jennifer Aniston is officially dating a professional hypnotist. Huge news for the fellas. Why focus on personal growth and “being attractive to women” when you learn hypnosis and use mind powers to make early 2000s celebrities fall in love with you?
Me to Hillary Duff this weekend
Sure, Freddie Freeman has 3 WS titles, an MVP, Gold Glove and 9 All-Star appearances but his greatest achievement may be this worm performance. Incredible work, sir.
This is still the greatest dance performance of all time, but Freddie came very close
Who Was Today's Hump Day Hero?
HUMP DAY HIPPO
Motion to replace mechanical bulls with mechanical hippos at bars
Does it get any better than riding a hippo bareback while you rip a dart in a sick jacket and your boy watches from a distance with a twinkle in your eye? I submit that it does not. I yearn for a world where man and hippo live in harmony like this once again. A better future awaits.
The best marketing ideas come from marketers who live it. That’s what The Marketing Millennials delivers: real insights, fresh takes, and no fluff. Written by Daniel Murray, a marketer who knows what works, this newsletter cuts through the noise so you can stop guessing and start winning. Subscribe and level up your marketing game.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
BREAKING: we drank 12 beers and found the Loch Ness monster. You’re welcome.
Read this on your lunch break: On the Last Days of Gene Hackman.
How it feels to text in all lower case as a 30 year old man is a perfect video.
Records are made to be broken and Myles McLaughlin, a lightly recruited high school senior RB from Indiana is close to breaking Derrick Henry’s all-time HS rushing record (averaged 253 YPG!!!). Fuck it, Myles McLaughlin Hudl.
How Catastrophic is it if the AI Bubble bursts? A series of FAQs.
Stumbled across this ref cam footage of Mike Alstott running dudes over for a TD and got fired the hell up. Bring back old school football.
It’s Hump Day. Let’s queue up a Lil’ Dicky music video playlist and ride off into the sunset of the week. Maybe even end with a Dave & Ally’s song for good measure.
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