Forbes releases 30 under 30 list, and Rebecca Black finally gets her shine (I’ll be protesting until the Entrapranure newsletter writer makes this list.) Opening line for how many of these people go to jail for fraud is set at 2.5.
Michael and Susan Dell are giving away $6.25 billion to fund $250 in savings accounts for kids in low-income neighborhoods nationwide. Finally, someone listens to Billie Eilish. Scott’s Tots did it first, don’t forget.
NBA remains the world’s greatest reality show, as Giannis spurs trade rumors by deleting Bucks content from his social media and the Clippers unceremoniously cut CP3 mid-farewell tour. He went out doing what he loved.
TSA will begin charging people $45 for not having a REAL ID starting in February 2026. Hoping to get their is a tipping option when they spin that iPad around to charge me my $45 #tipyourTSAagent
Spotify Wrapped dropped today….LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.
Reminder that we’re breaking out our world famous Mailbag. You ask us questions, we answer them, you have your entire life fixed. Catch up on our previous versions here for a vibe, mailbag will drop sometime in the next week or so.
SPOTIFY WRAPPED IS OUT
It’s that special time of year: Spotify Wrapped is out and your entire Instagram story feed is about to be completely taken over (thanks for making our podcast a Top Debut Show btw, you guys rock.)
YouTube and Apple have released their own versions, but that’s simply not enough for us. Every app should have a Year in Review breakdown. HERE OUR SOME PITCHES.
Anyone else get this?
Chase Banking: Incredible. You over-drafted 14x this year and invested 80% of your money into off-shore betting websites to live bet Russian table tennis. That’s in the top 1% worldwide. You will never own a home - keep it up!
PornHub: top searches this year included “pretty lady who looks exactly like Sarah Hinge who I went on 3 dates with,” “Lois Griffin + Cleveland realistic” and “slightly overweight guy cuddling with girl who looks even more like Sarah Hinge than last search.“ Your sexual proclivities truly astound and baffle.
Better Help: you opened the therapy app on 85% of Sunday evenings and still never signed up. That’s ok! You are close to starting to think about maybe taking care of your mental health, champ. You rock 💪🏻
Slack: your coworkers spent 9,000 hours this year talking shit about you in private channels. Your ‘imposter syndrome’ is extremely justified. You are actively bad at your job and no one respects you.
Google Maps: top locations this year included “liquor store,” “parking lot across the street from Sarah Hinge’s apartment so you can just see if she’s dating someone new,” and “public library.” Good for you. Reading is cool.
McDonald’s App: you literally spent so much fucking money on McDonald’s this year. What is wrong with you? Like we’ve never actually seen anyone buy this much food and that includes that Supersize Me guy who was literally making a documentary about over-consumption. Have a salad, man, Jesus.
SHARE AND SAVE
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Account Overdrawn. The most chilling two words in the English language. Not only are you out of money but now you have to pay MORE money in fees? It’s a travesty.
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WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
Kim Kardashian has a scan with neurosurgeon that reveals ‘low brain activity’ in her noggin. I generally don’t trust doctors (they are nerds who just know how to memorize textbooks, big whoop) but this one swayed me. Medicine might be real.
Kim when she finds out that she may be the reason she failed the bar
The A’s release prototype for their baseball field in Las Vegas that is simply too small to fit any players or fans. What is this, a ballpark for ants? It should be at least 3x bigger.
Please credit Junior Meme Analyst Ben for that ballpark for ants joke, which he slacked me yesterday. Everyone say ‘good Zoolander reference, Junior Meme Analyst Ben’
Thoughts and prayers to Odell Beckham, who is struggling to survive on a $100M contract. 9 figures is the new poverty line and I won’t hear anything different.
Imagine having to lease your luxury cars? Or even worse, buy used? No one should have to go through that
Thank you to Katy Perry for having the courage to sue a dying 85 year old veteran for $1.85 million. Few celebrities have the balls these days to stand up to service members.
I’m fascinated by this woman. I really am. She has had a remarkable 2025 (dating Justin Trudeau, going to space, suing dying veterans, etc.) and it needs to be acknowledged
Tarantino spends his interview about the top 10 movies of the century shitting on Paul Dano, calling him a “weak, uninteresting guy” and “weakest male actor in SAG.’ Dano definitely just kept his socks on for a shoot once and Tarantino never forgave him.
How dare he deny Tarantino a coveted glimpse of his delicate feet? Those delicious little piggies are the only thing keeping Quentin going.
Who Was Today's Hump Day Hero?
HUMP DAY HIPPO
Just a nice wholesome picture of two hippos tearing a zebra from limb to limb. Many will call this post insensitive because there is a nationwide meat shortage going on, but who gives a flying fuck? No one is eating zebra meat, at least as far as I know. Let the hippos enjoy themselves for one goddam second without getting criticized.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
Showing your GF stuff that she shouldn’t know is a perfect piece of content.
Read this on your lunch break: How to NOT Get Away with Murder (this story is wild.)
Remarkable piece of video here from Empty Netters and the LA Kings. This is why we play.
Your phone isn’t a drug. It’s a portal to the Otherworld.
Daily reminder that Daffy Duck is low-key the funniest duck in cartoon history. Easily the most annoying creature on the planet (complimentary.)
Deep-diving through the top 100 episodes of TV of the 21st century is the perfect way to pass the afternoon today.
It’s Wednesday. The third down of the week. Fuck it, every Keenan Allen 3rd down conversion from his entire career. Move the chains.
Like our newsletter? You’ll love our podcast. Episodes out every Friday, wherever you get your podcasts.
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