The Daily Friday: Wednesday 2/12

1. Elon and Altman are beefing, after Musk offers to buy OpenAI for 1/3 of its valuation and Altman responds by calling him an insecure, unhappy person. Drake vs. Kendrick but for people who use their son’s blood to live forever.

2. FBI says it has found 2,400 new records related to the JFK assassination after Trump order. Have they found the files yet about how they killed him or are they still looking for those? Keep us posted.

3. Yeezy’s Shopify site gets shut down after he sold a t-shirt with a swastika on it. Good. Fuck this guy. Don’t care that he dropped the greatest verse ever.

4. BuzzFeed is releasing a new social media platform, an AI-powered site called BF Island designed to ‘spread joy.’ Can’t see how that goes wrong.

5. More Americans on Ozempic are going blind with 9 more cases this week. Honestly, still worth it. Would wayyy rather be blind than have to lose weight the old-fashioned way (diet, exercise, tape worms, fent, witch’s curse, etc.)

MONTOYA, POR FAVOR

In the past week, one meme has taken the Internet by storm: Montoya Por Favor. Now there is a ton of different clips going around and I speak zero Spanish, but I think I’ve made some sense of the madness. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

Who Are These People?

Montoya and Anita are a couple on the Spanish reality show La Isla De Las Tentaciones, loosely translated to The Island of the Tentaciones. They are hot and dramatic.

What Is La Isla De Las Tentaciones?

It’s the Spanish version of an American reality show called Temptation Island, which is very electric and hosted by a guy named Mark Walberg (not the famous one who would’ve stopped 9/11.) Might wanna cue that shit up on Valentine’s Day if you’re single and want to feel less bad about not being in a relationship.

Anyways, the basic premise is that 4 couples come to an island to have their love tested. They are separated from each other for 2 weeks and live with a group of extremely horny single people of the opposite sex whose explicit goal is to get the person in a relationship to cheat.

Every night, the couples get to see footage at a “Bonfire Ceremony” of what their other half is doing with the singles. At the end, they decide to stay together or not. Pretty psycho stuff.

What Happened With Montoya?

Clip 1: Anita watches Montoya gets a lap dance from another girl. She’s pissed! She is gonna get revenge!

Clip 2: The clip that started it all. Montoya sees a clip of Anita banging the absolute beejeezus out of her dude Manuel. Montoya goes insane and runs to Anita’s side of the island to confront her mid-porking. The host screams after him “Montoya por favor!!”

Clip 3: Anita begs for Montoya to take her back. He declines. The host informs them that since they’ve broken the rules by contacting each other in person, they can no longer watch the clips but have to have them described by the other contestants.

Clip 4: Anita gets a clip described to her of Montoya getting his revenge with his island lady. Good for him.

Clip 5: Nothing to do with these two, but here’s another contestant getting what only can be described as ‘aquatic head.’ This show is insane.

Clip 6: Montoya gets to listen to a clip of Anita and Manuel going even harder for the second night of a row. Like truly shocking stuff.

That’s as far as we’ve gotten, I think?

Why is This Viral?

‘Sex + Cool Catch Phrase + Bad Things Happening to someone who isn’t you’ is a pretty solid formula for virality.

Are You Happy You Know This Now?

That one was for you guys. Keep me posted.

SOCO MIXES WITH EVERYTHING

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When it comes to SoCo cocktails, find your comfort zone… you don’t have to be ‘fancy.’ Personally, I like to keep it simple with a SoCo Lemonade. Nothing hits the spot after a long week of working not-that-hard quite like mixing up a few of those SoCo Lem-Os, putting my feet up, and cruising right into the weekend.

No matter the moment, Southern Comfort is ready-for-anything: packed with flavor, mixes with anything, and easy to drink! We challenge all you out there to find your comfort zone – try out some Southern Comfort mix drinks and send us your favorites. We’ll include the best ones in the next newsletter 👀👀

*Southern Comfort, Spirit Whiskey with Natural Flavors and Caramel Color, 35% and 40% Alc/Vol, Sazerac Company, Louisville, KY

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Reason number one billion to move to Japan: companies are now offering ‘hangover leave’ and on-premise drinking to employees. Much better benefit than these company-mandated sex days coming to America. Talk about a useless perk.

There really is someone for everyone: Lauren Boebert was seen getting into a cab with Kid Rock at 2:30 am after the inauguration. I ship these two so hard, it’s crazy.

13 y/o busted for impersonating a doctor after showing up to a hospital with scrubs and a fake ID. Incredible. The only thing I impersonated when I was 13 was ‘guy who’s kissed a girl and figured out how to masturbate.’ Extremely believable at the lunch table.

Lawmaker proposes bill to have movie theaters list actual start times so people don’t have to sit through commercials before trailers begin. Huge W for dads everywhere.

FANS STORM 60 FOR 60 STUDIO

It’s a 25th episode BONANZA of 60 for 60, as Frankie Lagana visits Friday Beers HQ and attempts to suck down $60 of SushiStop while talking about break ups, Conan O’Brien and dealing with massive Donnellon Felons.

ROGUE ANIMAL OF THE WEEK

Shoutout to this week’s winner, the Sri Lankan monkey who climbed onto a ‘grid transformer’ and cut power to the entire nation right in the middle of a heat wave.

This is step one in the larger monkey plot to take down humanity and I’m honestly here for it. My first move: take this lovely monkey as my bride and breed a generation of future leaders.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• New trailer just dropped for Tim Robinson and Paul Rudd’s new movie and I’m rock-hard. Can’t wait to make that movie my entire personality soon.

• Read this on your lunch break: Jeremy Strong Is In on the Joke (So He Says.)

• Football is officially over. Here’s how you can pass the time until August.

• Spent my morning shit scrolling through WikiTok, a site where you can swipe through an endless stream of random Wikipedia pages. Highly recommend.

• Greg Maddux is an absolute baller. Who even thinks of this?

• How many New Yorkers are secretly subsidized by their parents? A lot, it turns out! Fun fact: only 1/3 adults under 43 support themselves without any help from their parents, as Boomers hold half the wealth in America. Wild.

• In honor of the dunk contest coming up on Saturday…fuck it, Nate Robinson dunk contest highlights. And you know what? Some of his flag football highlights too. Just to get you to the better half of the week.