The Daily Friday: Wednesday 2/19

1. Delta plane crashes and flips upside down in Toronto, as all 80 passengers and crew survive. Securing a massive lawsuit settlement plus you now have something to talk about at parties? Kind of a W for anyone on board.

2. A$AP Rocky found not guilty in trial around the 2021 shooting of his former bandmate. He may have a career as a Commanders safety trying to stop the Tush Push judging from the way he jumped on Rihanna. Explosive.

3. Polar vortex that could lead to ‘life-threatening cold’ hits US, days after Northeast storms lead to massive flooding. On the good side, our chances of getting hit by an asteroid have increased again. So close I can taste it 🙏🏻

4. Big week for Brazilian assassination attempts, as the former president was charged in plot to poison his successor, while a mayor paid a hitman $88k to stage a fake shooting for sympathy. Good deal tbh. Might need that guy’s info.

5. Dodgers pitcher says the torn esophagus he suffered came after a piece of salad got stuck in his throat. Yet another reason to never eat vegetables. Chop’t needs to regulated like the tobacco industry moving forward. Killing machine.

PS: Season 1 of Glory Daze, our podcast with Johnny Manziel, wraps up with our biggest guest yet: Michael Vick. Episode drops tomorrow, so subscribe now. 

PRE-SUCKED SKITTLES

Sometimes, a story will come across our desk that changes everything. The tale of the woman who was arrested for going to her ex-boyfriend’s house and filling his gas take with Coke Zero and pre-sucked Skittles is exactly that story.

Naturally, this type of headline generates a lot of questions. Luckily, we have all the answers. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

• What exactly is a pre-sucked Skittle?

It is a Skittle that has been sucked clean of all flavor, leaving behind just the chewy, white center. Obviously. Context clues, people.

• How did the cop know they were pre-sucked Skittles?

You’ve never heard of taking a little nibble out of a crime scene? Cops work long hours and get super hungry sometimes. Read a book, people.

Kudos to this detective who took a bite and immediately said: “Oh yeah this Skittle has absolutely been slurped upon.” We need more sickos on the force.

• Why the Coke Zero?

My best guess is she was attempting to do the Diet Coke and Mentos explosion thing in his gas tank and blow up his car (kinda genius tbh) but had to work with the tools at her disposal. Coke Zero, while not even in the same league as Diet Coke, is a fine substitute and the chewy part of Skittles is similar to Mentos (I’m realizing that Skittles are just colored Mentos. Mind blown.)

Sadly, this experiment did not work and just destroyed the dude’s car, but you can’t fault a lady for trying. Heartbreak breeds innovation and that should be celebrated.

• Did they get back together or is she still single?

This is more of a personal question from me. She’s exactly my type (hot, criminal, can suck the red clean off of a Skittle, etc.) and can’t let this chance at love pass me by.

Going to hold out hope that this did not work, as the ex-boyfriend was quoted as saying “I was already dealing with enough with this break up, now I have to pay to fix a car that smells like a movie theater concession stand.” Ungrateful pig. You deserve better, toots.

THE NO-NONSENSE GROOMING BRAND FOR EVERY MAN

Hey Handsome, Nice Face You Shaved There. 

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Whether you’re going for a clean, close shave or keeping the beard tight, Dollar Shave Club has all the shave and grooming products you need. Always high quality, never over-priced. 

My personal favorite has gotta be the Club Series Diamond Grip Handle. With a diamond patterned grip designed for comfort and control, it’s super clingy in a good way. And once you pair with their Club Series 6 Blade Razor, what’s better than that?

Plus, if you buy today with code DAILYFRIDAY, you’ll get 20% off any purchases $20 or more

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Bonnie Blue, the OnlyFans lady known for having sex with 1,057 men in 24 hours, is allegedly pregnant. Beautiful. I’m sure any of these men would be incredible fathers.

Another week, another clip of Montoya watching his girl getting the beejeezus banged out of her on a tiny iPad. The tough times just make you stronger, hang in there pal.

Drone flying near Drake’s penthouse catches him online gambling, he responds by throwing his slipper with an astonishing lack of accuracy. Still not as bad as 50 Cent.

EMPTY NETTERS AT FOUR NATIONS

The boys recap an electric NHL All-Star weekend in Montreal with special guests Seth Jarvis, Adrian Kempe, and Erin Ambrose. All time Empty Netters episode here.

ROGUE ANIMAL OF THE WEEK

Congrats to this week’s recipient: the brain worms that have infiltrated the mind of a woman who vacationed in Hawaii, immediately qualifying her for a White House cabinet position. Some people have all the luck.

Not sure where brain worms fall in the category of animals, but we have to tip the cap here. They’re on an all-time run and I don’t see it ending any time soon.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Extremely niche reference, but Will’s re-creation of Jim Carrey’s 2017 NY Fashion Week interview is 100% accurate. Trust me, watch the original.

• Read this on your lunch break: We Live Like Royalty and Don’t Know It.

• The Netflix docuseries on Team USA basketball is great. Loved to see KD have the entire Serbian locker room turn on each other at half time.

• Rocking your Apple Watch on your ankle? CBTM.

• In honor of Paddington’s latest banger, enjoy this official ranking of bears. Need Ted to be a little bit higher, but otherwise agree wholeheartedly.

• Could Stephen A Smith be the next hot presidential candidate? Idk, who gives a shit anymore? Might as well.

• It’s Hump Day. Let’s take a long afternoon break and crush Conor O’Malley’s The Mask (2023.) As good of a way to spend 24 minutes as any.