The Daily Friday: Wednesday 2/5

1. China hits back on US tariffs after Trump’s announces 10% hike that will cross all Chinese imports, including products from Shein and Temu. Where will I get affordable airpods that you can smoke weed out of now? End it ASAP.

2. Joe Biden signs with Hollywood talent agency CAA two weeks after leaving office. He should make a reboot of Weekend at Bernie’s. He’s an extremely believable dead guy.

3. ‘Extremely rare’ pod of 1,500 dolphins spotted off California coast is being called an ‘ominous warning.’ Add it to the list.

4. Over 100k eggs were stolen from a PA supplier amid rising egg costs across the country. We need to investigate Fantastic Mr. Fox to the fullest extent of the law. I just know he’s behind this.

5. McDonalds brings back Shamrock Shake and introduces new mascot: Grimace’s Irish uncle, Uncle O’Grimacey. This better have mean it has booze in it. Getting tired of bringing my own whiskey to pour into my McFlurries.

GREAT THINGS DRAFT

Extremely grateful that this came across my timeline, courtesy of @BobChuggins on Twitter. There’s a LOT to discuss here, but we’ll try to keep it short.

Worst Draft: Team A

Started off the draft exceptionally strong. Lebron, Prime Fort and First Day of March Madness are prospects with massive upside and are the kind of players you can build a franchise around.

However, their roster really starts to drop off after that. First Beer in the 4th round? Everyone knows that 7th beer is better. Industrial Revolution and Electricity seem like solid picks, but they’re also the reason we have to work jobs and have plastics in our bodies. And while Adam Sandler falling to round 26 is akin to Brady going 199, I strongly disagree with Ghost Wipe Poops. I like to see the actual poop on the toilet paper to feel accomplished. I’m sorry, but this team is going to have serious depth issues.

Best Draft: Team D 

Tons of heavy hitters on this team. Drunk Cigs and Bin Laden’s Death are 5-star talents that have been on my draft Big Board for years.

But Team D really shines in the mid to late rounds, leaning heavily on college football nostalgia with Tavon Austin Highlights, Johnny Manziel in 2012 and Stetson Bennet Curtain Call. Then the flip to simple pleasures like Steak, Hammocks, and Beer Pitchers? Bringing it home with Gas Station Pizza (shoutout Casey’s)?? Iconic stuff.

This GM knows that every championship team is built at the end of the draft.

Worst Draft Pick: Team B, Dude Perfect, Round 7.

That’s like drafting Tim Tebow in the first round. Just dreadful.

Best Draft Pick: Team B, Boobs, Round 15.

If Boobs went #1 overall, I’d have no issue with it. To get them round 15? Steal of the year.

Notable Snubs:

• Perfectly clean dap.

• Jumping in the ocean when you’re hungover

• Reuniting with your boys who you haven’t seen in a while

• Being awake for a booty call

• Broken in baseball glove

• Bottomless brunch

• Levels by Avicii

• The Other Guys

• Putting in your two week’s notice

NFL: Congrats guys, we did it. We officially ended racism so the NFL is removing these signs from the end zone. Well done.

As if you needed another sign to hammer the Eagles, this 10 year old Philly kid survived a plane crash last week, saved his sister, and woke up from surgery asking two questions: 1) is my sister ok? and 2) did I miss the Super Bowl? Eagles by a million.

Dr. Locks and Glue Guy have been in the lab grinding out Super Bowl props (love the Octopus bet) this week, so make sure you sign up for BetMGM before Sunday to take advantage of all these suckers. Godspeed, boys.

NHL: I gasped out loud when I saw this hit from Will Cuylle. Good lord.

CBB: Good to see that Rick Pitino has been coaching with some more perspective this year. All-time relatable quote.

NBA: Who is this overweight man sitting next to Lebron? Is he ok?

I feel for Marcus Jordan, who got arrested for cocaine possession and tried to get out of it by telling the officers his dad was Michael Jordan. Even though it’s true, it feels like a lie. Gotta be frustrating when no one believes you.

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Plus, if you buy today with code DAILYFRIDAY, you’ll get 20% off any purchases $20 or more

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Entrepreneur of the year has to be the Malaysian man who offers a service where he will verbally harass weak men’s girlfriends and then let them beat him up in front of the girlfriend to look strong.

YouTuber who spent $14k becoming a dog opens up a zoo for other people who want to be animals. Who is going to take care of them, animals pretending to be people? I pray we don’t have a body-swap Harambe situation on our hands. Can’t even fathom.

Shoutout to this kid who got a 100 on an exam after naming every NBA champion in order by memory. Drop out ASAP: there’s nothing more that college can teach him.

BRION BISHOP PUTS ADVICE INSIDE OF YOU

7 minutes of Entrapranure’s top podcaster, serial entrapreneur and loving father Brion Bishop being right is worth your time. Get ready to have your life completely changed.

ROGUE ANIMAL OF THE WEEK

Congratulations to this week’s winner, Amazonian dolphins who roll onto their backs to piss on their boys. That’s just a classic bit that needs to be celebrated.

This confirms what I’ve long known: dolphins are easily the most human animals. They have massive brains, fuck for fun, speak in different dialects and piss on each other as a form of male bonding. Once we show them Fortnite and sports gambling, we’ll be ready to become best species friends. Only a matter of time.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Feeling for AFTV and the rest of the Mavs fans this week. Losing Luka is clearly stinging something fierce.

• Read this on your lunch break: The Dream of a New Atlantis.

• Fascinating interview with a YouTube creator who has been making videos online for 20+ years (since he was 6 years old.)

• Very thankful for this full breakdown of the American woman in Pakistan saga. She’s a goddam American hero.

• Malcom Butler’s ‘Pick Heard Round the World’ was actually just the beginning of a 10 year roller coaster.

• Never seen a standup take an L to a heckler like this right here. Tough. Actually got a little scared and I’m a super brave guy.

• It’s Wednesday. Let’s cue up some Kemba Walker 2011 Big East Tournament highlights during a lull in the day and get to the good side of the week.