A meteor entered the atmosphere and exploded in the air above Ohio, creating a large boom sound. First Bigfoot, then this fucking guy from Love is Blind, and now this. Something’s brewing in Ohio and I’m not sure I like it.
Venezuela beats USA in WBC final, the first time America has lost to a country in an exhibition tournament after capturing their President. Congrats to the fans, particularly this one. Can’t believe we wasted this Harper moment.
Trial for Afroman begins after the rapper was sued by police for using real footage he recorded of cops raiding his home in multiple music videos, which happened to be absolute bangers. Need a “Because I Got Raided” bop next.
Both First Four games come down to the wire, as Texas his a game-winner to hold off NC State, while Howard hangs on as UMBC’s buzzer beater falls short. Sidenote - please fix the balls before the real action starts. Can’t have it.
Polymarket opens DC bar called the ‘Situation Room,’ dedicated for people to ‘monitor the situation’ online, with screens carrying X feeds and news updates. Buffalo Wild Wings but for watching warfare. Not sure about this one, boys (but if you wanna come over to my place and track UFOs with me, HMU.)
TIPPING THE ROBOT: COULD BE THE MOVE
This entry is a small taste of the content from our absolute boys over at Could Be The Movesletter. Give them a sub for gold in your inbox every Friday.
These things are cute as hell
I dig those stupid little food delivery robots. Cocos, they call ‘em. Cruisin' along the sidewalks, moving like they're drunk. Honestly, hard not to respect the dig. Little fucker's out there obeying all the traffic laws, trying his hardest. Not a fan of people messing with those things. "You can judge a man's true character by the way he treats his fellow Coco robots.” - Paul McCartney
What can I say? I think they're cute. Maybe Pixar or George Lucas is to blame, but there's something about a little robot trying his damnedest to help the human species. Just beautiful man. Now yes, I'm aware these little dipshits will sooner or later evolve and try to murder us, but I’m pretty sure I'll be fine. Especially with this new Move I got.
So we get tons of Moves sent in regarding the idea of "getting out ahead" of the Robot vs. Human War:
- “Be nice to ChatGPT. Little please and thank you.”
- “Check in on ChatGPT from time to time. See how they're doing, get to know them a little more.”
- “Shoot ChatGPT some compliments throughout the week.”
All of these Moves have the same goal in mind: staying alive when the robots eventually take over. I'm truly a fan of these Moves, I really am. Thinking ahead, sharp! But I will say, when it comes to changing the way someone thinks and feels about you, I prefer going the monetary route. "Money talks.”
BET ON 11
We are so close to some real tournament action that I can finally taste it. I’m chomping at the bit to see a Cinderella team emerge this year. I’ve got my eye on the 11 seeds this year. There’s something about them that seems to hit every year (they’re literally 50% vs. 6 seeds the past 4 tourneys) but this tournament in particular matters even more. Why? Because you could walk away with $11k in your pocket.
The way it works is simple: all you need is a can of Voodoo Ranger’s 11% ABV G-Force IPA and a receipt.
Buy a G-Force, upload your receipt at BetOnEleven.com and you’re in. If an 11 seed wins in the tournament, you could win big. One lucky fan wins $11k, plus 1,100 fans win $5 to put towards another round.
*Must be 21+ No purchase necessary. Full rules on betoneleven.com.
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
BREAKING: Punch the Monkey has a girlfriend, which looks exactly like his “mom,” a stuffed animal. Freud would have a field day with this one. Pretty fucked up since Punch agreed we’d be single together for the summer, but I guess fame changes people.
A socially rejected zoo animal has a girlfriend before you do. That’s gotta sting.
Thunder continue to re-invent defensive strategy, as Alex Caruso introduces the shoe block to their defensive arsenal. That’s how you use all the tool at your disposal.
Absolutely bringing this approach to my next men’s league game. It’s only a foul if they call it
Just 9 months since his brutal arrest for credit card fraud, Chuck E. Cheese has been spotted kicking a child while on the job. Let’s wait to hear both sides until we pass judgement on Mr. Cheese. That kid seemed to be asking for it.
Either way, it seems like he’s super sorry.
It’s been one year since “Montoya Por Favor” on Spanish Temptation Island & we have our replacement: a dude named Gilbert, who also crashed out watching his GF cheat on him and ran across the island to confront her. At this point, this is just a part of the show. They need to be tracking speed times and award medals to the fastest runners.
Love to get 1 inch away from the tablet where I’m watching my girlfriend cheat on my on national TV
Who Was Today's Hump Day Hero??
Imagine The Economist had a drunken love child with a meme page.
That's The Pint.
Their chronically online (and slightly unhinged) team trudges through the week's politics and business so you don't have to — then turns it into a meme-mail read by over 16,000 people.
Every Friday. Free. Subscribe here with one click.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
Genuinely impressed by this gentleman who visited America and sued Walmart, the NYPD and a taqueria for having salsa that was too spicy.
Read this on your lunch break: A Journey Into the Heart of AI.
Irish Zionism is easily a top 5 video to ever be posted on the Internet. Give Conor O’Malley his own show ASAP please.
Rise, Grind, Die was an excellent read. Extremely similar name to the greatest Instagram page known to mankind but still. Excellent read.
I love you Roku City, but my heart is now with Wikicity, the website that categorizes the most viewed Wikipedia articles and sorts them like skyscrapers. Fantastic way to kill an hour today at work
It’s Hump Day. Let’s coast into the better half of the week with what will always be the greatest sports story ever. This kid could’ve played in the league.
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