The Daily Friday: Wednesday 3/5

1. BlackRock has purchased the Panama Canal for $23B from a Hong-Kong firm, putting key ports under American control. Can we buy the Suez one next and get it stuck again? Might be fun.

2. ESPN announces end of Around the Horn after 23 years, ending the run of the GOAT show to watch while you’re home sick from school. Finally, more airtime for Kendrick Perkins’ WNBA analysis and Jason Kelce late night shows.

3. Trump gives speech to joint session of Congress. Things got rowdy but not nearly as bad as Serbian Parliament, where lawmakers threw fucking smoke bombs at each other. Makes you appreciate Fat Face JD Vance memes.

4. Scientists hoping to revive the Wooly Mammoth have instead created a Wooly Mouse. Honestly, that’s 1) pretty cool and 2) probably for the best. Don’t know if we need to add gigantic prehistoric predators to the mix right now.

5. RIP to Carl Dean, an everyman hero who died after 60+ years of marriage to Dolly Parton. He spent his days laying asphalt, only went to one of her shows, and inspiring her to write ‘Jolene.’ OG Lana Del Ray gator tour guide husband.

NBA: Congrats to Lebron and Bronny James. The first father-son duo to eclipse 50k career points and make Dr. Locks $340. Chills.

Mavs fans: don’t worry that Kyrie Irving tore his ACL and Anthony Davis probably won’t play again this year. You are now free to build the entire team around Kai Jones.

Fantastic performance from Andre Drummond, who picked up a foul before the opening tip off. Reminds me of myself entering any bar in a 6 block radius of my apartment (thrown out immediately after peeing my pants in line.)

GOLF: At least we know the TGL isn’t rigged, as both their owners (Tiger and Rory) get bounced from the playoff race. PS - not sure how Tom Kim is gonna come back from this one. Just hang up the spikes, brother.

SOCCER: FIFA announces that the 2026 World Cup will have a halftime show for the first time ever, with Coldplay to help lead the charge of finding an act. I don’t care who it is, as long as they call Drake a pedophile and he can complete his EGOT. 

NCAAB: FGCU hooper Brandon Dwyer ends his college career with 0 points, fails in his Tik-Tok series ‘The Road to 1 Point.’ Fuck it, Brandon Dwyer highlights.

Big East tournament starts today, but respect to St. John’s for winning their first outright regular season title since 1985. Keep rocking that white suit, Ricky P.

SOCO MIXES WITH EVERYTHING

Made from a one-of-a-kind blend of fruit and spices, Souther Comfort Whiskey is the ORIGINAL ready-for-anything spirit. Satisfying on its own or ideal in a mixed drink, SoCo is easy to enjoy however you drink it, and whoever you drink it with. 

When it comes to SoCo cocktails, find your comfort zone… you don’t have to be ‘fancy.’ Personally, I like to keep it simple with a SoCo Lemonade. Nothing hits the spot after a long week of working not-that-hard quite like mixing up a few of those SoCo Lem-Os, putting my feet up, and cruising right into the weekend.

No matter the moment, Southern Comfort is ready-for-anything: packed with flavor, mixes with anything, and easy to drink! We challenge all you out there to find your comfort zone – try out some Southern Comfort mix drinks and send us your favorites. We’ll include the best ones in the next newsletter 👀👀

*Southern Comfort, Spirit Whiskey with Natural Flavors and Caramel Color, 35% and 40% Alc/Vol, Sazerac Company, Louisville, KY

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Just months after divorcing Jennifer Lopez, Ben Affleck says he would ‘love another chance’ with his other ex-wife Jennifer Garner. Great idea, but he shouldn’t stop there. He needs to keep scooping up the Jennifers like Thanos’ infinity stones.

Kim Kardashian has officially reached LeBron and Dick Van Dyke levels of longevity after this SKIMs photoshoot. I forgive her for this little snafu. Mistakes happen.

St. Louis man was arrested for trying to have sex with a Metrolink seat for the second time this year, receives lifetime train ban. Good fucking luck keeping these two apart. Soulmates always find their way back to each other.

Two men arrested for stealing and damaging a Paddington Bear statue in the UK. The death penalty would be a kindness for these men. Let them rot in Arkham. Forever.

WE DRANK 12 BEERS AND SOLVED THE JFK MURDER

Introducing the latest series to change YouTube forever: Cold Cases with Rusty and Cayson. These two masterminds suck down a full case of Friday Beers and solve the greatest mystery of our time. Legitimately must-watch content.

OUR FRIENDS AT GARBAGE DAY

I’ve been a subscriber to Garbage Day for over a year, and every time it hits my inbox, I stop what I’m doing to read it. It’s the perfect guide to the chaos of the world today, with smart, funny and interesting analysis on how the Internet is shaping it all.

While here at Daily Friday HQ, we like to skim across the surface of what’s going on online, Garbage Day takes a slightly different approach, spinning up deep dives on their topics. Everything from Internet rabbit holes, tech billionaires, meme discourse and political analysis is covered in a thoughtful, yet digestible way.

My favorite part: they highlight good long-form article and funny, interesting videos from across the web that often find their way into our own newsletter.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Finally, Liam’s native tongue has returned.

• Read this on your lunch break: The Diabolical World of Phone Scams.

• Want to ruin your day? Watch this video of Quentin Tarantino code-switching. One day Sam Jackson will kill him and we’ll know exactly why.

• What was a Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius? The best way to seem smart and cool in the early 2000s. Re-read this book 2 weeks ago and it still holds up btw. Sorry to brag about reading a book twice.

• If you watch this Family Guy video and aren’t ready to run through a fucking wall, then I can’t help you. I’m sorry. This needs to be an Entrapranure video.

• Could American Ice Football become the next great sport? Probably!

• It’s Hump Day. Let’s cue up Tiger birdying out on the 72nd hole to beat Phil in 2001. Just to get the chills going.