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Hantavirus cruise ship outbreak is still ongoing, as 150 people remain on board after 3 passengers have died. Hantavirus outbreak, LeBron competing for a title, drama around Star Wars trilogy. Feels like Summer 2012 again.
Maple Leafs win the NHL Draft Lottery, lock in the chance to bring Gavin McKenna home to Canada. They’re gonna be filthy next year. Feel like we’re one season away from ascending to the very top of this tier list.
Delta is no longer serving free snacks and drinks on flights less than 350 miles, affecting around 450 daily flights. I miss you already, Spirit Airlines. I don’t care how unhinged you got throughout the years. We need you back.
Anheuser-Busch had their number of drinks sold increase last quarter for the first time in 3 years. We as a society have finally recovered from Kid Rock shooting Bud Light cans. Beer might be back, boys (it never left.)
Framber Valez sparks benches clearing brawl by hitting Red Sox Travis Story. Tbh, I fully believe these rumors he did it in retaliation for sign-stealing. Zero chance Boston is capable of hitting back to back home runs without it.
MET GALA 2026
It’s the first Monday in May, which means it’s time for the annual Hunger Games styler gathering known as the Met Gala.
As always, the fits this year were absolutely outrageous. We did a full breakdown over on Friday Beers Instagram, but here’s some initial thoughts.
Travis Kelce stuns on Met Gala red carpet
Katy Perry: ya know what, Justin Trudeau? I get it. Luxury beekeeper is my type as well.
Ben Stiller: it’s one thing to be a Knicks superfan and miss a playoff game. But if you’re going to skip, at least rock a fit more interesting than ‘job interview.’ You’re lucky Night at the Museum is an absolute masterpiece or I’d be going scorched Earth.
Stevie Nicks: fantastic Miss Frizzle fit. I’d let her drive my magic school bus any day, if you know what I mean (I actually don’t even know what I mean by that myself.)
Rachel Sennot: clearly inspired by a lifetime of playing Cranium Hullaballoo. Respect.
Jordon Roth: perfect, this isn’t terrifying at all. This would have been Will Smith’s dream in I Am Legend, by the way. Gotta admit - that was a sexy mannequin.
Sarah Paulson: woahhhh so deep. Very powerful message about income inequality from a woman who has a net worth 1000x my size (tbf, my net worth is $1,232 but still.)
Bad Bunny: Kinda looks like Will Ferrell dressed up as Bad Bunny doing some dumbass stunt at a baseball game. This is genuinely how long it’s felt since the Super Bowl halftime show, btw.
Madonna: this terrifies me. I feel like I’ve seen this in a dream before. You will never convince me that this woman is not a witch.
Heidi Klum: massive respect for dressing up like my dried cum sock from middle school. Very happy to have inspired her like that.
Someone please invite me to this next year so I can wear jeans, a t-shirt and a Jets hat like I’ve done every single day of the last 5 years. Let’s start a movement.
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
Bit of life advice: if you’re not 100% sure that your lady is going to say yes, don’t propose on a JumboTron. You’re immediately going to look like this guy.
Another life lesson - never trust a woman who spells Sarah like that. Something verrrrry sinist is afoot.
Study finds that some dolphins get ‘deliberately high’ on puffer fish nerve toxins by carefully chewing and passing them around. This is the same species that has sex for pleasure and acts as kamikazes. Fuck apes - they might be our closest relatives.
me when i’m a dolphin lmaoooooo
Finally. After years of the cereal industries being for pussies and chicks, there’s some product for real MEN like me. I can’t wait to slurp these balls of nutrient down my wide open throat like a true alpha.
Masculinity really is a prison. We don’t need this
Who Was Today's Hump Day Hero?
HUMP DAY HIPPO SAVIOR
I know I spent the start of this newsletter shitting on rich people, but they’re not all bad. Some of them are like Anant Ambani, the son of an Indian billionaire, who is offering refuge for all 80 of Pabolo Escobar’s hippos who are being kicked out of Colombia.
Gotta give respect where it’s due - this is probably the best way to spend your fortune if you’re a billionaire’s son. Sure, the houses, cars, blow, and high class escorts would be nice. But you can’t put a price on shit like this (you probably can, but still.)
How Jennifer Aniston’s LolaVie brand grew sales 40% with CTV ads
For its first CTV campaign, Jennifer Aniston’s DTC haircare brand LolaVie had a few non-negotiables. The campaign had to be simple. It had to demonstrate measurable impact. And it had to be full-funnel.
LolaVie used Roku Ads Manager to test and optimize creatives — reaching millions of potential customers at all stages of their purchase journeys. Roku Ads Manager helped the brand convey LolaVie’s playful voice while helping drive omnichannel sales across both ecommerce and retail touchpoints.
The campaign included an Action Ad overlay that let viewers shop directly from their TVs by clicking OK on their Roku remote. This guided them to the website to buy LolaVie products.
Discover how Roku Ads Manager helped LolaVie drive big sales and customer growth with self-serve TV ads.
The DTC beauty category is crowded. To break through, Jennifer Aniston’s brand LolaVie, worked with Roku Ads Manager to easily set up, test, and optimize CTV ad creatives. The campaign helped drive a big lift in sales and customer growth, helping LolaVie break through in the crowded beauty category.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
Really don’t like how we’re bringing animals back from extinction like this. I’m sorry to dodo bird and dire wolf, but it’s not our fault you didn’t evolve better. You already lost, let’s not do this again.
Anything 3 for the price of 1 edit from the king himself. Mr. Who’s Next is on an all-time hot streak this NBA playoff season.
David Attenborough and the voice that revealed a planet. Great read.
BIG day for trailers, as we get to rip The Odyssey (everyone relax about him saying ‘Dad’, do you want him to be talking in ancient greek??) and the new Anthony Bourdain biopic (another Stavvy W.)
Was the Declaration of Independence better before the edits? Great read on why the document went through 17 different drafts. PS - the New Yorker’s ‘America at 250’ collection is very solid if you want to kill a few hours today.
It’s Hump Day. Fuck it. Country playlist to play while driving to your divorce hearing. Just in case you need it this week.
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