Messi scores 3 goals against Algeria to officially move into a tie for most career Cup goals. Well done, but still not as impressive as Tartan Army drinking Boston dry of beer (wild stat.) We’ve seen hat tricks, but never that.
Fox purchases Roku for $22B in a deal to accelerate their shift to digital. That’s great and all but is anyone else deeply concerned for the citizens of Roku City? Praying they don’t get displaced or have to shut down the cinema.
Venus and Serena will play doubles at Wimbledon, 10 years after their last win and months into Serena’s comeback after 4 years in retirement. Easiest bet of all time. They’re the best twins since the Coors Light commercial ladies.
Snapchat drops new AR glasses that will bring the visuals of a phone right into your field of vision for a mere $2,135. Perfect price point for their user base of middle schoolers. Best part is they’re totally not noticeable and don’t make you look completely insane at all. Remarkable stuff.
Costco announced they are cutting prices on many of their Kirkland items to help consumers offset inflation. Fuck yes. They might be the only corporation alive that doesn’t try to milk the teet of every single customer completely dry. Their founder should run for president (especially after this quote.)
BREAKING: we are opening up our mailbag once again. Submit your questions here (or just reply to this email) to get featured. I love doing these, so don’t let me down. If you’re new here, check out some of our past mailbags to get a vibe. God bless.
RESPECT THE FLIGHT SAFETY BRIEFINGS
This entry is a small taste of the content from our absolute boys over at Could Be The Movesletter. Give them a sub for gold in your inbox every Friday.
I’ve completely checked out of the last, I’d say, 85 pre-flight safety briefings.
It was a slow bleed.
When I first started flying, I was locked in. Young, scared, impressed that the seat cushions could float. Then, after I survived my first 20+ flights, I started tuning in because I thought it was the right thing to do. Got someone in front of you doing the whole song and dance for your safety and well-being… figured this demonstration was worth at least 65% of my attention. Then it turned into 50%, 40%, 20%. Now, when I hunker down by the window or when my row-mates arrive and I close off the aisle or middle (hopefully not), I throw on the headphones and completely check out. Start pumping my flying playlist, scrolling through a list of movies, see what’s cooking on live TV. No occasional glance, no smiles, no nods. Just a guy consumed by entertainment or the back of his eyelids.
Might start showing respect again like Brian B here. Why? I don’t know man, just because. No… that’s not good enough. Why? I don’t know man, maybe because this angel of a person is actively trying to prepare me for a complete disaster of a situation.
American Airlines sent me this group of angels and what do I do? Drown out their instructions with The Postal Service and Kid A?
Might go back to watching, taking it in. No headphones, phone tucked away. 87% of my attention. Give it a ranking afterwards. Notes app filled with dates, airlines, a 9.2, 7.8, 8.3, so on and so forth.
Dad picks you up from the airport. “How was the flight?” “Solid. 9.1 safety briefing, so that was a W… Yeah… Dude was really bringing it.”
Brian B’s going for camaraderie, which I get and respect. “23D’s locked in over there… make sure he gets an extra bag of SunChips.”
Not me man. I’m doing it for the love of the game.
My sweet angels.
- Bobby D
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
Massive shoutout to this 80 year old grandad who was busted by his family for having a ton of porn pages saved on his TV while they were trying to watch the World Cup. The lion may lose his teeth, but not his desire to eat. You’re never too old to be horny.
Stay horny, my friends.
A man tackled kids off their bikes and dragged one into his home after being ding-dong-ditched by them for weeks. Sucks that I’m now so old that I actually see where he’s coming from. That would drive me absolutely bonkers as well.
I’m also getting so old that I sided with the Winklevoss twins during a Social Network rewatch. Mark was a huge dick, string them along so they couldn’t hire someoen else and beat them to market with their entire idea.
A giant has fallen: an Australian cockroach king-pin has been caught with 100k illegal insects in a record drug bust. Cockroach kingpin is so sick. We’re about 6 months away from Vinny Chase playing this dude in a well-intentioned but career ruining biopic.
There’s a good movie in there. We needed to see Harvey’s cut.
Jelly Roll has divorced Bunnie X.O after 10 years as the newly religious country singer has struggled with her wife’s past as a stripper, escort, and porn star. Relatable.
Just say your lost a shitload of weight & finally became famous. We’ll respect it more
Who Was Today's Hump Day Hero?
HUMP DAY HIPPO
This portly blue chap is the an iconic mascot of the Route 66 highway and the shining light of the Blue Hippo festival, held every year in Oklahoma City, that celebrates it. According to the website, this festival encourages its patrons to ‘celebrate all things blue,’ which is extremely vague and depressing, unless you're Pablo Picasso.
Honestly, it sounds lame as shit, but the hippo community will take any visibility we can get. As long as you're spreading awareness, how can we really get mad ya know?
OUR $5K GOLF MATCH WAS COMPLETELY RIGGED
I’m loving the content Hit Different has been putting out so far. Can’t wait to get out on the links this weekend and hit a 111.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
After taking a nice little walk through the most insane Facebook marketplace items on the Internet, I’m jealous for old cigarette branded merch. Bring it back.
Read this on your lunch break: The Untold Story of Jeffrey Epstein’s Final Days.
Daily reminder that this kid from Curb Your Enthusiasm delivered the greatest child actor performance of all time. Just remarkable stuff.
RIP to the Boeing 747, once the pinnacle of engineering excellence. We’ll miss you big fella. (Break the paywall here. Good read.)
The definitive ranking of all 48 World Cup teams got me up to speed real quick. Now I can seem like I know foot.
Genuinely can’t believe this lady posted this video. This is what happens when people don’t have enough friends who are honest with them. Good lord.
Sam Bankman Fried is behind bars but still trying to get free. Ok Sirius Black.
It’s Hump Day. Let’s get to the better part of the week with an old classic from Shane Gillis: the Founding Fathers debate the age of consent. I miss this whole channel.
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