Florida Panthers win back-to-back Stanley Cups, close out the Oilers for the second year in a row. Gotta feel for Corey Perry, who’s lost 5 of the last 6 Stanley Cups. Modern day Jerry West.
Iran rejects US’s calls for surrender, as Trump remains undecided on whether America will enter the conflict. For those of you who missed the ‘great surprise’ Iran was talking about last night, it was this. Stunned Huda survived.
Logan Paul said he is considering a presidential run, though Mr. Beast would be a better fit. Modern society is perfect. No notes at all.
Tyler Perry sued by actor Derek Dixon for sexual assault and harassment, with damages sought for at least $260 million. Some of these text messages are bonkers. Madea Goes to Jail might be getting a sequel.
Tinder announces new feature that allows users to coordinate double dates. Hell yeah. Now you and your boy can both be rejected in real time together.
Quick shoutout to Biebs. Feel bad about this paparazzi crash out, but I am grateful for a new phrase that has entered my lexicon. The memes have been remarkable.
WNBA: Sophie Cunningham is officially the new enforcer of the WNBA. Can’t just keep rag-dolling Caitlin Clark like this every 2-3 business days. That’s assault, brother.
So you’re saying if you foul Caitlin Clark, this woman may attack you? Interesting.
NBA: Has the Haliban regime been toppled? Pacers report that they are preparing to play without Tyrese Haliburton in Game 6 after MRI on his left calf.
BASEBALL: Arkansas pitcher Gage Wood throws 19k no-hitter in CWS, just the third no-hitter ever. Go Hogs baby.
Is there a worse way to lose a state championship game than a walk-off balk? I’m sorry but you simply can’t make that call. Send the umps to jail.
Nick Castellanos benched for saying ‘an inappropriate comment’ that ‘crossed the line’ (he definitely said Mudblood.) Gotta be the most full circle moment in baseball history. Benching him during WW3 is like benching Tom Brady in the Super Bowl.
FOOTBALL: Big week for units who can boot it, as the Jets sign ‘Thicc Kicker’ to an NFL contract and this big boy takes the Internet by storm. Hell yeah.
This is what it’s all about. Beef like you read about.
LET’S LUCY
Look how happy this guy is. Just saying
Lucy is intelligent nicotine for adults, designed by scientists to deliver the most satisfying nicotine experience, and ALWAYS Tobacco Free. Whether you use nicotine to enhance focus, boost your energy, or relax: there’s a Lucy for you.
Personally, I like to go with the Wintergreen 6mg pouches. Nothing brings me greater peace in life than lying on the couch after a long day of working sorta hard, popping a couple in, and re-watching Always Sunny for the 200th time. It just soothes me.
Warning: this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
Tremendous respect for Ghana Drunkards Association, who warns the government they have 3 weeks to reduce alcohol prices or their 16.5 MILLION (!) members will riot and shut down the country. This is how you use your voice for issues that truly matter.
Never wanted to be part of any organization more than the GDA.
Lookalike contests have reached Pitbull concerts, as fans rock white shirts, black ties and bald caps to celebrate Mr. 305. We need a Tate McRae lookalike trend next please.
Now realizing how much Pitbull and Andrew Tate look alike.
Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my Capri Sun Tall Boy. I need 15 full inches down my throat before I can even consider feeling like myself. Hope you understand.
You (micropenis, pathetic, social anxiety) vs. the guy she told you not to worry about (rich, moisturized, HUNG!)
German politician strips naked, calls on ‘open-minded citizens’ to join him on a swingers trip in France. Certainly one way to get laid. Might have to steal that move.
First step: move into Sofia Vergara’s district, run for office, and then organize the swinger’s trip for all interested constituents.
DoorDash driver accidentally drives into a secure area of the Chicago airport runway. Had no idea this was an option. Bout to order some Galaxy Gas and purple Doritos from my local deli directly to my seat the next time I’m stuck on the tarmac.
Pilot watching in jealousy as my Door-Dash arrives directly to the emergency exit window
Who Was Today's Hump Day Hero?
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
BREAKING: new cure for your depression just dropped. Join Strider every Thursday live at 6 pm EST on the Friday Beers YT to solve all your problems.
Read this on your lunch break: Billionaires…They’re Not Like Us.
Will Smith’s new song is getting clowned online, but actually is not terrible if you mess with this tempo like this. So good it’ll make you wanna slap Chris Rock at the Oscars 🤝
IndieWire’s list of top 100 movies of the 2020s is very solid. Still missing the Boss Baby sequel, but no one’s perfect.
Love this new Starbucks company policy. Time to start awoogamaxxing.
This one may have been my favorite Subway Take yet. Hot take after hot take.
It’s Hump Day. Let’s take a little tour through our favorite ways to order subs Mike’s Way. Please tell Mike there’s no safe word. I trust him completely.
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