Zohran Mamdani wins the NYC mayor Democratic primary over Andrew Cuomo in historic upset. All-time vibes guy (loved this move and this move.) He’ll face the King of Comedy in the November election.
NBA Draft is tonight, as Cooper Flagg is expected to become Duke’s record-tying sixth #1 draft pick. Gotta admire the dedication from this guy leaving his team during the finals to attend the draft. Worth it to shake Adam SIlver’s hand.
Tesla launches ‘Robotaxis’ in Austin, as every ride will cost $4.20 no matter the distance and several videos already show erratic driving from the cars. Pretty classic Elon launch across the board.
NATO’s annual summit kicks off in the Netherlands, as leaders will meet to discuss topics like the Iran-Israel war/ceasefire/whatever is happening this hour that led to an all-time meme clip from DJT this week.
Bezos wedding protested in Venice by residents and activist groups. Personally, I just hope newly single Orlando Bloom is ok while attending the wedding alone and not haunted by an ancient Egyptian curse. #TeamLegolas.
WORLD RECORD BAR CRAWL
It sucks to see someone live your dream.
A most respectful tip of the cap is due to Argentinian Martin Perez, who recently achieved greatness is a way that is usually reserved for the storybooks.: in just 24 hours, he attended 152 bars and broke a world record.
This is the dude version of the Bonnie Blue challenge, but slightly more heartwarming. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.
I love BA too (Butts Ass!!!!) Take that.
Perez lives in Buenos Aires (pretty sure that means Good Air but don’t have time to look it up) and is a fan of two things: 1) getting absolutely shitcocked with his boys and 2) sharing the vibrant nightlife of his home city. Chills.
Beginning at 7:00 PM on Friday, Perez set out on his journey to shatter the record of 120 pubs visited in 24 hours set by another true boozebag David Clarkson (not to be confused with the guy who shit himself running the Boston Marathon.) The rules were simple: at each location he had to have one drink, that didn’t necessarily have to be booze. Kinda lame but makes sense. It does appear he sucked many alcoholic drinks back judging from the pictures.
Marty P was absolutely locked in with the logistical details, hiring a driver to take him around, snagging witnesses who did 4 hour shifts to hold him accountable and setting up public notaries at EACH location to confirm his drinks. As a public notary myself (it was a fantasy football punishment, story for another time) it’s always nice to see the community represented #tipyournotary.
After Marty hit 100 bars around 2 am, most of the bars had closed for the night, so he did something extraordinary: went home, slept a few hours, and then went BACK out, finishing the next 52 bars before 7 pm Saturday. All-time rally, especially from a man who appears to be in his 40s.
Hell yeah, Marty. Hell yeah.
MLB: All-time baseball name just dropped, as Mets reliever Richard Lovelady requests to go by Dicky Lovelady. We get it dude, you’re straight and horny. Join the club.
Still can’t top Cum Posey. Legend.
Shoutout to Angels rookie Christian Moore, who hit a game-tying HR in the 8th, hit a walkoff in extras with his team trailing and drove in all of his teams runs. Historic day.
Genuinely fuck the fan who taunted Ketel Marte over his dead mom. Ban him from the MLB for life.
NBA: The season ended 2 days ago and the Celtics have been BUSY, trading Jrue Holiday and Porzingis while fielding offers for Jaylen Brown. They really don’t wanna pay that second apron (I have no idea what that means but am regurgitated talking points from the rotation of 3 NBA podcasts that I listen to. Thank you, Russillo.)
I’m not sure what was more lit, the OKC victory parade or SGA on Good Morning America the morning after they won.
NFL: Doesn’t get any grittier than Diontae Johnson refusing to go into a game because it was ‘too cold’ and he didn’t want to get bad tape. Relatable.
GOLF: Damn, I feel even worse for Tommy Fleetwood after watching this angle of the Keegan Bradley winning putt. Tough times.
LONG LIVE LONG DRINK
Do you feel that? That sun on your face? That whisper in the wind? That rumbling in your gut that tells you that tonight just might be the best night of your life?
That feeling is called summer. More specifically, a Long Drink Summer. It’s the greatest feeling in the world and it can only be experienced by doing one thing: sipping on Long Drinks until the sun goes down.
Here’s some quick stats for all you math people out there. This sucker has 0 Sugar. 0 Carbs. 99 calories. 100% chance of having an all-time night without feeling like an all-time bag of shit for what you put into your body. Does it get any better than that?
So what are you waiting for?
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
Time for a brief, yet meaningful shoutout to this fella who mowed the perfect lawn, showed his wife, who basically responded ‘eh.’ Leave her right now. I will be your wife.
Crispppp lines. If this doesn’t make you mutter “Hell Yeah” under your breath, unsubscribe from this newsletter right now.
EMERGENCY BOYS NIGHT AT RED LOBSTER NEEDED: new 35-year old CEO brings back Crabfest, introduces seafood boil bags, Sangria flights and $5 cocktails. Time to go absolutely ham and smell like complete shit for the next 24 hours.
Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my morning Seaside Sangria Flight and seafood boil
So inspired by the Telegram CEO splitting his $14B fortune w/ his 100+ sperm donor children that I will be heading straight to the sperm donor store, depositing multiple loads, and splitting my credit card debt with my future children. You’re welcome 🙏🏻
Pretty funny that every picture of this guy is him just look ripped on a beach.
Who Was Today's Hump Day Hero?
RUSTY AND CAYSON FOUND THE ZODIAC KILLER
At last. Thank you, boys. We don’t deserve you. Full video is a banger.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
Hug Your Bros is off to a fantastic start over on Friday Beers YouTube. Tune in and call in tomorrow (and every Thursday) at 6 pm EST to talk it out with Strider.
Read this on your lunch break: How Societies Morph With the Seasons.
I’m not sure how or why, but I’ve had Pedro Pascal shoved in my face for months and I’m still not really sick of him. Just a genuinely good guy.
It’s hotter than my 8th grade health teacher Ms. G this week. These are the only 5 guaranteed ways to beat the heat.
A masterful breakdown of the most hung movie monsters. Shrek has gotta be rocking a hog. No question about it.
It’s Hump Day. Let’s enjoy the best Stevie moments from Eastbound and Down as we coast into the second half of the week. Namaste.
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