Jury reaches verdict in Diddy trial, finds the rapper guilty of two prostitution charges, but acquits him on more serious racketeering and sex-trafficking charges in what is considered a win for Combs. Well, that fucking sucks.
Meta poaches 12 of OpenAI’s top researchers, offers them signing bonuses of over $100 million. Tech free agency is the new NBA free agency. Shams might want to consider a career pivot.
Trump’s Big Beautiful Bill passes Senate and goes back to the House (with a new name) as Elon beef heats back up over increased spending. Guys - we just need to sell 13 billion Trump Fragrances to cover the cost. It’ll be fine.
Thousands of Norwegians were mistakenly told they had massive lottery winnings, after a manual error multiplied their reported winnings by 10,000, until it was corrected. If that happened to me, Norway would be on fire right now.
Almost 40% of Gen Z workers want private spaces in the office where they can hook up or “self-love” at work. I miss the good ol’ days where we just cranked hog or flicked the ol’ bean in the handicap stall. Simpler times.
Here’s a fun fact to bum your friends out: today is officially the halfway point of 2025, which means we are now closer to the year 2050 than 2000.
BASEBALL: I don’t want to tell any ladies how to live their lives, but I personally think Tim deserves a second chance. Cheryl’s sister sounds super hot, to be fair.
No one is perfect Cheryl. He clearly loves you dearly
Paul Skenes is not just the best pitcher in the league, he’s also the best guy in the league, selflessly helps out the Pirates grounds crew and says he’d “love to cut grass professionally one day.” If you can dream it, you can do it Paul.
You really gotta respect the consistency out of this Diamondbacks fan, who’s now banned for life after having interfered with plays last night and FOUR other instances.
BASKETBALL: Ok, now I’m starting to see why Malik Beasley had a career year. His life literally depended on it. How are you in 5 figures of barber debt?
NBA off-season wrap-up: Dame is going to be fine, Myles Turner is going to have to pack up a ton of Legos, the Nuggets and Nets both got worse, and Dennis Shroder should just never purchase a home anywhere. Double digit teams is insane.
Don’t panic, but Red Panda has fallen. Basketball injuries are officially getting out of control. We need to open an investigation.
TENNIS: Wild opening round of Wimbledon as a recording-breaking number of top 10 players lost in the first round in both the men’s and women’s brackets.
We will desperately miss Carson Branstine, the player who funds her tennis through modeling, who also lost in the first round. See you next year 🤝🤝
Gone, but not forgotten
NFL: Dolphins trade draft pick to Giants for retired TE Darren Waller. Any time you can get this level of musical talent in the locker room, you have to pull the trigger.
Rest easy, Browns fans. Sheduer Sanders is going to be mentored this year by the best in the business. Massage parlors in the greater Cleveland area are officially on watch.
After hearing this quote about his time hosting SNL, I’m starting to get concerned with the Taylor Swift-Travis Kelce intelligence gap in their relationship. He’s clearly not smart enough to make his own decisions, especially when it comes to his love life.
LET’S LUCY
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WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
Jealous that I didn’t get the nod for the NYC Jet Ski meetup. Anyone who’s seen the 2005 classic Hitch knows that Hudson River jet-ski dates are the perfect venue to showcase vulnerability and drop the facades that separate us in modern dating.
I’d also probably get so much motion sickness and throw up my entire breakfast (11 beef jerky sticks and a gallon of clam chowder.)
Father of the Year jumps off of Disney cruise, saves his 5 year old daughter who fell into the ocean and treads water for 20 mins before life-boats arrive. GOAT.
Treading water while holding a 5 year old is actual superhuman strength
I’ve got less of an issue with Drake posting clearly fake abs on his Instagram story than with his basic-ass liquor assortment here. What’s the point of even having money?
You will find a nicer liquor cabinet in most 2 bedroom apartments. Step it up Aubrey.
Thought I’d seen it all, but then my eyeballs were blessed by this gentleman using a card reader as a phone case. Always take advantage of all resources at your disposal.
The modern world is full of many mysteries
Who Was Today's Hump Day Hero
THE ULTIMATE GAME OF GOLF BETRAYAL
There is a SABOTEUR in this midst! Absolutely electric gameplay here from the boys, who are competing and/or working together to win $5k (!!) Must watch content.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
Is there any account out there doing it quite like Entrapranure? Another Royce DuPont banger has graced the timeline, Brion Bishop is changing lives and this graphic literally rewired my frontal lobe. Thank you for your service.
Read this on your lunch break: Heir Ball: How the Cost of the NBA is Creating a New Generation of Nepo-Athletes.
Let’s all clap it up for Straight Boyfriend of a Bi Girlfriend at Pride Parade. A modern day hero.
Apparently everyone is spitting in each other’s mouths these days? I might have missed that memo.
Loved this breakdown of What I Ate on My Bachelor Party. Kind of the perfect weekend tbh.
It’s Almost the Fourth. Yes, it’s Joey Chestnut’s day, but let’s celebrate the OG Glizzy Guzzler, Frankie McDonald, who once (almost) sucked down 50 hot dogs.
How Friday Was Today's Post?
