Footage from Tony Romo’s OWI is released, as the former over-rated system QB faces charges after getting pulled over on the way to see his grandparents. Gotta admire the stretch pre-test. Lots of people forget that.
Dr. Fauci faces Senate hearing on Covid origins, as the diary he kept while at the CDC is released, where he wrote about his newfound fame and animosity towards Trump, who he called ‘a very strange guy.’ Good reminder to burn my own diary. Lowkey worried that will turn into a massively important plot device in Books 2 and eventually Book 6 when we discover Horcruxes 🙈
China has major breakthrough in project to create ‘artificial sun’ using the world’s largest fusion magnet. Well, fuck. We’re falling behind, but me and the boys are will started on this this weekend. Don’t sweat it.
Kyle Shanahan’s car crash from two weeks ago shows he was at fault (explains why everyone was dead silent about it.) Good on Brandon Aiyuk for seizing the moment - just a masterclass on self-sabotage this offseason.
People’s chats with Claude AI were found on publicly available sites, as personal information from users like their children’s health info and
how to talk to the hot barista without pissing your pantsother important stuff were leaked. Just more material to train this gentleman. I’ll allow it.
BREAKING NEWS: it is the last day of our fire sale. Get up to 70% off cool shit. Now. NOW!!!! If you don’t go buy that shit now, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
FELLAS: a new dating hack has just dropped and it’s panicking about how spicy the sauce you put on an oyster was, then pouring a new hot sauce into your eyeball to recover in front of your date. This is how we establish dominance in the romantic arena.
I love this guy so much. I cannot believe he’s real. She should have acted unimpressed and made him continue to do shit like this, just to see how far he’d go.
Every man needs a signature scent and I think I just found mine thanks to the Pepsi Wild Cherry Vanilla body wash and face scrub. I’m going to have to beat the ladies, flies, and feral doggs off with a goddam stick after slathering myself in this shit.
It also luckily looks like a delicious bowl of chunky human diarrhea, which is a massive plus
Excellent use of the two-handed crank technique by these lovely ladies singing in a choral hymn. This is a shot for shot remake of me and the crew every time Sally the bue car comes onto the screen during our bi-weekly Cars 3 viewing. 99.9% accuracy.
Good reminder to start singing when I crack stick this afternoon. Had no idea it was so effective for acoustics and vocal resonance.
Blown away by this hiker who fell and took a pole through the lat (!!) and walked 10 miles to a hospital to avoid paying for an ambulance. This is why a for-profit healthcare system rocks. It pushes us all to incredible heights.
Someone is going to go as this for Halloween and zero people in the world will understand what they’re doing.
Generally the only acceptable reason to do drugs at a 9 year old’s birthday is to impress the hot au pair, but if you’re gonna act like this dude, I’ll allow it. Guy absolutely rocks.
This looks so fun tbh
Don’t think this is a hot take, but it is impossible to be a good father if you’re not letting an MMA fighter punch your child in the face repeatedly. Just a fact of life.
Gotta be fun to be that fighter and just get to beat the living shit out of kids all day. Kind of the dream if you ask me
Who's Your Hump Day Hero?
HUMP DAY HIPPO
Oh fuck yea. This hippo is about to swallow a safari car entirely whole and I won’t be blaming the hippo. There is this whole ‘angry hippo’ stereotype that’s constantly portrayed in today’s media that I won’t stand for. I’m going to give the hippo the benefit of the doubt and assumer he (or she) was clearly provoked into taking a massive chomp out of this off-road vehicle. Or they were super hungry, which is fine too. I get hungry like, all the time. Let’s not be hippocritical (critical of hippos in a hypocritical way.)
Also just got word that it is the 38th annual Shark Week on Discovery Channel? How is there possibly 38 years worth of content about sharks? We get it. Give us a hippo week or we riot. Plain and simple.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
This hot sauce golf challenge in 100 degree heat was outrageous. Nothing hits quite like Hit Different on a Wednesday morning.
Read this on your lunch break: Playing Santa Does Strange Things to a Man.
This video got me good. Mack Hubbell might have my favorite trump impression.
The world may seem bleak at times but at least the monarch butterfly has returned. Thank the big man upstairs for that. (Remove paywall here.)
If you’re a short king, this is your sign to start a fight club.
I’m so pumped to have Rick Moranis back in our lives with Spaceballs: The Clickbait. Reminder that this is one of the best dudes ever.
Loved this deep dive into a pretty sick car designer. Made me consider becoming rich so I can become a car guy.
Payton Pritchard dribbling videos go insanely hard. Early White Boy Summer MVP front runner.
Just another masterclass from Dan Toomey and Good Work with this business card pack opening video.
It’s Hump Day. Fuck it. 8.5 minutes of Dark Knight on IMAX to grind on your iphone. Perfect for the mid-day shit break.
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