FDA warns about possibly radioactive shrimp from Walmart that may have been sold in over 13 states. To be fair, if you’re buying fresh seafood from Walmart, you should’ve known that this was an option. Don’t feel bad for you.
Chinese tech CEO reveals plans for ‘pregnancy robot’ that will carry unborn babies in an artificial womb. With this plus AI girlfriends, people may never have to talk to each other again. That’ll be nice for the world.
Group accused of flooding the market with 321k bots to buy Taylor Swift and Springsteen tickets on Ticketmaster to resell online for massive profits. Kinda wish I thought of this myself.
Chinese Labubu maker Pop-Mart reported a 396% rise in their first half profit from this year, as sales surpass Barbie. The inevitable Labubu movie spinoff is going to be absolutely terrifying. Get Jordan Peele working on it ASAP.
A company that makes “sleep fitness” tech called Eight Sleep raised $100M to help people get more data about themselves while they sleep. Awesome, Big Tech can track me 24/7 now. If I can get this data, I’ll allow it.
BACK TO THE TITANIC
Maybe this time it will be different.
Billionaires are officially going back to visit the Titanic wreck, just two years after the OceanGate submersible killed 5 people and led to a Netflix doc that scared the living shit out of me.
Why did they make it look like a fleshlight? Legitimate question.
Genuinely, what are you guys trying to find down there? The door that Jack couldn’t fit on? The painting of the first boobs I ever saw (shoutout Rose)? The ghost of Billy Zain?
Probably not an incredible sign that every rich person is trying to get as far away from the world they’ve helped destroy, either by going up to space (ily Gale) or as deep in the ocean as humanly possible. Personally I’d do something a little cooler like buy every Chili’s in America or load up on professional sports teams. To each their own.
These guys say they have a new ‘state of the art submarine’ that will cost $20M to build and will withstand the elements. Fine. Best case, you find some wet artifacts, worst case we lose a few billionaires. Win-win.
LET’S LUCY
Look how happy this guy is. Just saying
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WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
Very impressed by the Bieber impersonator who got on stage at Vegas, performed a few songs and ran up at $10k bar tab. If Bieber hates being in public so much, he should just hire him as his body double. Rams are doing the same thing with Stafford.
Is it not clocking to you that this guy is standing on business?
Good luck to any future movie promotional popcorn buckets, but you’re not gonna top the Anneabelle doll for the new Conjuring movie. Can’t wait to take it home, stick my hand in and work it like a puppet to scare the shit out of everyone.
Frightening stuff. May not sleep tonight.
Can’t help but be jealous of the influencers who got hit by a car while doing a food review inside of a restaurant. Eating, making content and securing a bag after a car accident is the American dream.
This is wild but it will do numbers online. Some things are worth risking your life for
Feel for this judge who initially read a verdict as “Guilty” when he meant “Not Guilty” in a murder trial. Mistakes happen, people. George Bush level slip of the tongue.
Mixing up your own invasion of Iraq with Ukraine is a classic blunder
Who is today's Hump Day Hero?
HUMP DAY HIPPO
This looks like a piece of gum. DO NOT FUCK WITH HIPPOS
When life gives you watermelons, chomp those things to absolute smithereens. Rind and all. What else is there to really say? Enjoy this video and have an incredible day.
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STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
Dude, you gotta watch this video. You just gotta.
Read this on your lunch break: The Family Fall Out of DNA Surprises.
Nothing gets me quite fired up like the World Jump Roping Championships. Corbin Bleu would be so proud.
The Great Unbalding has arrived. Thank the good lord.
It’s been a long time coming but the revenge of millennial cringe is here. I for one am not that sad about it. Earnestness is not a crime people.
Michael Porter Jr. is an absolute quote machine. Can’t wait to see him on the next Glory Daze.
It’s Hump Day. Fuck it. 12 Hours of On Cinema at the Cinema.
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