The Daily Friday: Friday 3/8

Happy Friday. Here’s what you need to sound smart today.

1. Happy International Woman’s Day! Take a moment to reflect on what today is truly about: the brands. Advertising changes lives 🙏🏻

2. Mike Tyson (57) will fight Jake Paul (27) live on Netflix in July. An age gap that would make Leonardo DiCaprio proud.

3. Bill to ban Tik-Tok advances in House. How tf will I learn how the top basketball recruits from the last 25 years panned out without this app?

4. Applebees and iHop launch dual-branded locations. A dozen purple Wonka pancakes will go down so smooth after 19 Dollaritas.

5. Biden delivers State of the Union address and possibly the meme reaction of the year. This clip will be all over your timeline today.

MAN INVENTS TALKING TO HIS GIRLFRIEND

Ohhhh look at me, I have love in my life. Fuck off.

The fellas and I do this all the time, during our monthly “ketamine and Kraken nights.” Sure, the reason the TV is off is because we can’t afford to pay the Spectrum bill after our 9 leg women’s lacrosse parlay didn’t hit and we don’t “enjoy each other’s presence” as much as “bare knuckle box blindfolded until one of us have a seizure.” But still, it’s basically the same thing.

COMMENCE SOCO SOUR SUCKDOWN

For your next pregame, watch party, throwdown, or whenever you’re in the mood to be So Tasteful, plan to pick up some SoCo. And the next time you’re at the bar, go-ahead and order some SoCo Sour shots. On me. (just kidding. But maybe though.) 

Created in 1874 with an innovative blend of stone fruit and spices, SoCo Whiskey is the ORIGINAL ready-for-anything spirit. Satisfying on its own and ideal in any mixed drink, Southern Comfort is tasteful and approachable however you drink it and whoever you drink it with. 

My personal favorite blends? It’s a two-way tie between the SoCo Original and SoCo Black. Either way you can’t go wrong.

When you hit that happy hour tonight, make sure you order a Soco Sour. One Part Soco + Two Parts Sour Mix.

Southern Comfort, Spirit Whiskey with Natural Flavors and Caramel Color, 35% and 40% Alc/Vol, Sazerac Company, Louisville, KY

NBA: This fan is gonna be in so much trouble when he gets home. Worth it.

Anthony Edwards throws the T-Wolves on his back, dominates the last minute of the game to pull out the win against Indiana, including a game-saving block where he hit his head on the rim. Dude is not real.

Could’ve seen this one coming. Ben Simmons suffered another season ending injury and immediately catapults up my rankings of all-time finessers.

NFL:  Giselle gets emotional discussing losing Tom Brady. Pats fans everywhere can relate.

HIGH SCHOOL: As someone who spent several summers in a Manasquan share house, I’m furious they got robbed in the NJ state playoffs. Nothing a night at the The Osprey can’t fix.

NCAAB: Dickie V is BACK, beats vocal cord cancer and is cleared to broadcast again in fall. You can’t stop the strongest voice in the world, you can only hope to contain it.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

James McAvoy injures self ‘holding a woman upside down during an orgy.’ This is why I don’t participate in orgies. It’s too dangerous and I’ve also never been invited.

Kareem Abdul Jab-Bar? German man gets COVID vaccine 217 times over 29 months, has zero side effects. Dude is 90% vaccine.

The world is burning, but at least Hidden Valley introduced 7 new flavors of ranch. Thank you, Big Salad Dressing 🙏🏻🙏🏻

Money well spent: this man who paid $14k to live as a collie dominates agility drills in showcase, is a shoo-in for this year’s Westminter Dog Show.

THIS ONE SLAPPED

48 hours later and I still can’t believe Carson went through private land like that. Genuine day ruiner. This sketch was 8 minutes long and I honestly was bummed when it ended. I need more.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• I caught my military roommate giving up confidential information to a woman he met online. Clearly didn’t read Wednesday’s newsletter.

• Don’t show this to your dad. Tik-Toker is rewatching 90s finals games and it’s not looking great for MJ’s legacy.

• Very solid Season 6 review for all my Love is Blind fans. Captivating television in every sense of the word.

• Genuinely one of the most insanely delivered speeches in our lifetime from this senator. Bravo.

• Read this on your lunch break: Two scammers, a web of betrayal and Europe’s fraud of the century.