The Daily Friday: Friday 8/16

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1. Disney tries to toss wrongful death lawsuit because the victim had a Disney+ account. Honestly, signing away your legal rights is a small price to pay for a platform with 9 Ice Age movies. Worth it.

2. Food collabs keep coming as Cinnabon launches a Warhead roll and Krispy Kreme makes a Dr. Pepper flavored donut. What’s next, McDonald’s drops a Trojan condom that’s McRibbed for her pleasure?

3. 5 people charged in Matthew Perry’s overdose death, including his personal assistant and a woman known as ‘Ketamine Queen.’ I wonder what she does for a living.

4. Starbucks CEO got $113M and full WFH privileges in order to leave Chipotle. If he starts charging extra for the guac and double meat I put in my frappuccino, I’m going burn down every store in America.

5. The Clippers opened their new stadium and it rocks. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

But first - quick reminder that we are bringing back the monthly mailbag NEXT FRIDAY. Get your questions in while you can (and check out July’s installment.)

Submit your questions at the link below or just reply to this email directly.

BALLMER BALLS OUT

The Intuit Dome is open for business.

The future home to the 2026 All Star Game and 2028 Olympics is finally open, thanks to Clippers owner and 8th richest man alive Steve Ballmer, who financed the $2B arena entirely by himself. I know his kids are pissed. There goes the inheritance.

This place is the ultimate fan experience. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN

• It has a fuck-load of toilets. Like 3x the NBA average. We’re talking a 27-1 fan to urinal ratio. That is a LOT of pissing space. If that doesn’t get you fired up, listen to Steve Ballmer explain it. Trust me, it’ll get you ready to piss.

• The stadium will also have a 44k square foot LED scoreboard (costs $100 mil!!) to watch cool highlights and an 88k square foot outdoor plaza where fans can do cool vape tricks and publicly make out before games. I have no concept of how large that but i’m assuming it’s pretty big. And big is good.

• Then there’s The Wall, a super fan section with 51 uninterrupted seats behind the basket and rules like no wearing opponent’s jerseys, no cheering for the opposing team, and no reselling of tickets to non-Clippers fans. I have zero idea how they’ll enforce this but go off. More stadiums should do stuff like this.

• Even if you’re not in VIP, the fan experience will be unmatched. The seats will have the most legroom of any NBA stadium, which is sick for me cuz I’m basically 6’0 (5’10 and 3/4.) That’s not to mention the tracking technology that rewards fans who cheer the loudest with free merch. And then there’s the crown jewel: a t-shirt cannon that will reach every section in the stadium, not just lower levels. Our national nightmare is over.

This has really made me appreciate Steve Ballmer, who constantly goes ballistic, both on the sidelines and on stage during product launches. You can’t fake passion like that.

This cannabis startup pioneered “rapid onset” gummies

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HERE’S TO THE 10%

Shoutout to the crazy fucks who are having 74 drinks a week. I’m nervous to tell the doctor I have 45 drinks a week, but I can only imagine how these fellas feel.

This chart is living proof that frat stars, construction workers, and my uncle Ted are the only thing keeping the entire economy afloat. Thank you for your service, boys. Commence Suckdown.

MLB: Hawk Tuah girl throws out first pitch at Mets game. You know Mr. Met was asking her if she throws a spitball and wants a ‘backdoor slider.’ Dirty dog.

MLB is reportedly considering a 6 inning minimum for starting pitchers. Stephen Strasburg’s arm would’ve shattered into a million pieces within 2 weeks if this was around when he was slinging it.

Aaron Judge becomes fastest player to hit 300 homers by 132 games. Kill some time this afternoon by watching every single one of them.

NFL: Nic Cage will reportedly play John Madden in a new biopic. Would’ve preferred Frank Caliendo, but this will do.

Falcons make moves on defense, trading for Pats DE Matthew Judon and signing Pro Bowl safety Justin Simmons. They still blew a 28-3 lead.

SWIMMING: Wild story out of Notre Dame, as team gets suspended for year after NCAA finds an underground gambling ring where swimmers would bet on their own performance. Kinda think this should be allowed.

MEDIA: Robert Griffin III gets fired from ESPN just days after posting this picture. Coincidence? Probably.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Really gotta hand it to the 8 year old girl who fought off an armed robber with a baseball bat. The White Sox should sign here ASAP.

Kim K‘s kids keep trying to set her up with streamers, which means there’s a world where she could realistically date Sketch. I love this country so much.

BREAKING: a new form of waving just dropped. This guy has a really bright future as a parking attendant.

A man sets up 444 video game consoles on a TV, good for a Guinness World Record. This is the only way I’ll be playing the new Backyard Baseball game.

Subway calls emergency meeting with franchises in wake of declining sales. Weird that this Russell Wilson commercial didn’t fixed everything.

WHO ARE YOU BUYING A BEER FOR?

PLAYDATE POD HITS 50 EPISODES

Congrats to the good lads at Playdate Pod who have hit 50 podcasts. Here’s to another 50,000 more from Willy and Rusty.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Actually really enjoyed Bernie Sanders on Theo Von’s podcast. More politicans should do stuff like this.

• Read this on your lunch break: why some people are paying to live alone on a deserted island with no phones or WiFi.

• I could watch Barry Bonds break down at bats for hours. He and Maddux should break down every at bat they’ve ever had.

• It’s official: I found the worst guy of all time.

• Blows my mind that CrimeCon exists. A great read on why Americans turn to this in their darkest hour.

• Fuck it. A sea otter getting buckets to send you into the weekend.