The Daily Friday: Friday 8/30

1. College Football is officially back, as Colorado hangs on against North Dakota State last night (Travis Hunter is insane) and we are staring down the barrel of a full weekend of action. Finally…pure bliss.

2. Wendy’s will be releasing a real-life Krabby Patty on its menu this fall. I guess everyone has a price, even Mr. Krabs. I really hope the secret formula is in good hands.

3. Listeria outbreaks continue with Boar Head deli meat, as 9 people have died and 57 have hospitalized. Nice try Big Vegetable, but you’re still not gonna make me eat you or anything green ever.

4. Nvidia watch parties held in NYC as fans of the AI company rent bars to watch earnings updates. I fully support this. Nerds can have sports too.

5. Johnny Football announces new podcast with Almost Friday Media (that’s us) called Glory Daze. Congrats to Johnny on finally becoming my coworker. I know it was a lifelong goal of yours.

We could not be more pumped to announce that Johnny will be joining our podcast network. The first episodes drop in the fall, but make sure you subscribe on YouTube and follow @GloryDazePod on all other social platforms before then.

Oh, and check out the promo video we put together. Pure art.

MONTHLY MAILBAG

Taking a break from our regularly scheduled programming to highlight the fourth installment of our monthly mailbag series.

Here’s a snippet of what we touched on, but check out the full version where we answer your questions on best fall activities for the boys, quitting Corporate America, FMKs, and who writes the newsletter (it’s just me.)

Oh and make sure you submit your questions for next month.

What cigarette is superior? i.e. slightly buzzed cigarette, cigarette after you jack off for the third time that day, after chicken parm, etc. - Ryan

There’s a lot of incredible cig moments out there: cigs in a casino, cigs inside any house that’s not yours, cigs with a homeless guy (give him 3,) cigs with a hot girl you who’s just using you for your free cigs, cigs on a rooftop overlooking your empire, cigs you stole from your teenage cousin who can’t snitch on you because then he’ll get in trouble, etc.

Drunk cigs are close to that top spot, but if you’re not a consistent smoker, they can be volatile. Before you know it, you might get the spins, shart yourself, or do both at once.

Winner has gotta be the cig that comes post-big-meal (ie chicken parm.) Nothing is better for settling the stomach and resetting the body as a whole. Plus you get a little fresh air to wake you up? Tough to beat that.

I’d also like give a quick shout to the post-sex, lying in bed with a forbidden lover cig. Never personally done that but it looks really cool in movies.

CFB: Minnesota loses opener on last minute field goal and sets off fireworks. It wasn’t an accident, the technician had them +2.5.

The bad beats are already coming, as Rutgers neglects to kick extra point after last minute touchdown to secure the 51.5 under line and Howard +38.

NFL: Brandon Aiyuk signs 4 year extension with the 49ers after holding out for over a month. Kinda love this move. Get a few weeks off work and then get a pay raise. Big brain thinking.

MLB: Lawrence Butler is the goddam truth. Good god.

This HR robbery to save a would be walk off is the kind of shit you dream about.

THE DOC’S LOCKS

The good doctor, Dr. Locks, is here all season long to help you sweat through your bets. Every Friday he’ll be dropping 3 picks for the Saturday slate so we can all make some money together 🤝🤝🤝

As always, we’ll be partnering with BetMGM, so make sure you sign up today using FBDAILY for up to $1500 in free bets.

#14 Clemson at #1 Georgia: Georgia -13.5

It’s simple: Clemson has question marks and Georgia does not. The Tigers no longer have their one-man Will Shipley offense and I’d trust Carson Beck over Cade Klubnick any day of the week. Plus, the Bulldogs are home. Book it.

#7 Notre Dame at #20 Texas A&M: Under 46

A&M’s new HC Mike Alco is a defensive minded coach and facing his former QB at Duke (Riley Leonard) so expect him to have his number. Both defensive fronts are solid and ND loves to ground and pound. Points will be hard to find.

#8 Penn State at West Virginia: West Virginia +8.5

A tricky one, but it comes down to two things: 1) I don’t believe in Drew Atler and 2) Morgantown is tough as hell on road teams. WVU brought in a ton of transfers this off-season. Time to show it was all worth it. Let’s ride.  

Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER (Available in the US)
Call 877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY)
Call 1-800-327-5050 (MA)

21+ only. Please Gamble Responsibly. Call 1-800-NEXT-STEP (AZ), 1-800-BETS-OFF (IA),1-800-981-0023 (PR). First Bet Offer for new customers only. Subject to eligibility requirements. Bonus bets are non-withdrawable. In partnership with Kansas Crossing Casino and Hotel. See BetMGM.com for Terms. US promotional offers not available in New York, Nevada, Ontario, or Puerto Rico.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Judging from the way that NYC mayor Eric Adams sniffed this weed that was seized by the cops, I’m pretty sure it’ll never make it to the evidence room.

Catastrophe: Capri Sun has introduced plastic bottle packaging and I’m stunned. The metallic pouch taste is what makes their product so delicious.

Impressed by the Philly couple that drove a Range Rover into a river while banging in the backseat. Buying a $150k car, legally entering Philadelphia and having the hip flexibility for car sex are 3 things I’m wildly incapable of.

There’s hope for alligator tour guides everywhere, as Lana Del Rey is dating a Bayou airboat driver named Jeremy. Commence Ugly Boyfriend Fall.

GLORY DAZE PODCAST

Here’s another reminder to make sure you follow @GloryDazePod on Instagram, Twitter and Tik-Tok to stay up to date.

First episode coming this fall baby 👀 👀

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• This BTS footage of the Costco Guys filming a video confirms it: AJ is a true artist, a director with a vision who demands nothing but perfection. Yes, he’s hard to work with but all the greats are.

• Read this on your lunch break: the For-Profit city in Honduras that may come crashing down.

• I wish I took anything in life as seriously as the Japanese take rock, paper scissors.

• These 11 rules for winning your fantasy football league this year are helpful but the only truly effective strategy is blackmail, deceipt and stirring palace intrigue.

• After watching this video, I’ve decided to change my mind on AI. I actually think it’s perfect and capable of changing lives forever. Thank you computers.

• Enjoy this recap of the best moments in Cheaters history to take you into the weekend. RIP Summer🙏🏻