The Daily Friday: Monday 8/28

It’s another week in paradise. Here’s what you need to sound smart today.

1. Does it get any cooler than 12 yr old Louis Lappe hitting a walk off home run to win the LLWS? Dude is gonna crush bar mitzvah season.

2. Week 0 of CFB in the books. USC gets 4 TDs from Caleb Williams, ND wins big, and Hawaii covers. We are so back.

3. The Mugshot that Launched A Thousand Sales. Trump pulls in $11 million in merch from his iconic mugshot.

4. Simone Biles wins her record 8th US all-around title. The human body is not supposed to move like this. Is she a witch?

5. Bob Barker passes away at 99. Here’s what you might not know about him.

Let’s get into it.

RIP TO BOB BARKER

On Saturday, iconic ‘Price is Right’ game show host Bob Barker died at 99. The patron saint of sick days lived a legendary life and you probably don’t even know the half of it.

Here’s some fun facts:

• He met his wife when he was 15 and never re-married after she died in 1999 because she was ‘the love of my life’ and ‘nothing will compare.’ Why am I crying in the club rn?

• In 35 years of hosting, he only missed one taping. Cal Ripken Jr. looks like a little bitch now, doesn’t he? Broadcasting is way harder than baseball.

• In addition to hosting Price is Right (longest running game show ever) he also hosted Miss USA, Miss Universe, and Truth or Consequences, which was fucking electric.

• Bob was a huge animal rights activist and had a massive beef with Betty White over the treatment of an elephant at the LA Zoo. Ugh, I hate it when the only 2 old people I know are fighting.

• He accepted his iconic role in Happy Gilmore under one condition: he would get to kick the shit out of Adam Sandler. Legend.

THE AMISH ARE COMING

It is time to head to your local farmer’s market and start befriending the Amish. Not only are they growing like crazy but their lifestyle is very well suited to surviving a nuclear apocalypse. Start laying the groundwork now so you guys can be cool when they start running shit in like 2050. You’ll thank me later.

MLB: Another day, another absurd Elly De La Cruz highlight. 99.7 mph on a relay throw is not human.

Oriole’s closer Felix Bautista placed on injured list with a UCL injury. Can he learn to hit? Ohtani seems to be doing just fine.

Benches clear twice in the Yankees-Rays game and Rays’s Lowe call the Yankees a ‘last place team,’ during post game interview. THIS LEAGUE.

NFL: Trey Lance traded to the Cowboys on Saturday for a 4th round pick. CJ Stroud wins starting job in Houston. Aaron Rodgers is God’s gift to Jets fans.

We’re almost home boys. Just 82 hours until Detroit at Kansas City. I can almost taste it.

OTHER: Viktor Hovland takes home $18 million and the FedEx cup while Messi takes home his first MLS goal. Par for the course.

Tennis’ last major of the year starts today, as the US Open begins in Queens. My money is on Alcaraz and his insane father. 

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Former “Hannah Montana” star Mitchell Musso arrested for public intoxication and theft of tortilla chips from a restaurant in TX. You can get arrested for that? Sounds like a pretty standard Saturday night.

Her milkshakes no longer bring old men to the yard: Bill Murray (72) and Milkshakes singer Kellis (44) have split and so has my heart. If they can’t make it, what chance do any of us have?

A Burker King worker was given a coffee cup, movie ticket and bag of candy after working 20 years without taking a sick day. Don’t spoil the man!

The Internet started a fake rumor that Steve Harvey’s wife cheated on him with his bodyguard and personal chef. She actually cheated on him with me. I’m sorry you had to find out this way Steven.

MONDAY MOVE

It’s fantasy draft season and it’s time to pull all these elite moves. Big fan of booing the commissioner. Speak truth to power boys.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Why “Oddly Satisfying” is so oddly satisfying.

• The summer of the country music culture wars.

• In absolute awe of the world’s most handsome horse.

• What America could have been.

• This lady got her shit ROCKED. Respect.

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