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- The Daily Friday: Wednesday 12/6
Everything you need to know to sound smart today.
GTA 6 trailer drops and boy, did they get Florida right. Once I save up enough to buy a time machine, 2025 is the first place I’m going.
Senator Tuberville ends blockage of 400+ military promotions, huge news for San Diego’s strippers. Love to see our heroes get paid and put it back into the local economy.
Kim Jong Un cries while asking thousands of North Korean women to make more babies. Let’s send them Nick Cannon as a diplomatic offering.
23andMe hacked, as 6.9 million users had their ancestry data stolen. Fuck, I can’t believe hackers now know that I’m 100% DAWG 😏😏
Taylor Swift Wins Time Person of the Year. HERE’S WHO WE PICKED.
But first, a brief shoutout to the best advertisement for Friday Beers of all time. Simply absurd amount of beer chugged in one day AND in the rain? A feat of superhuman strength that will go down in history.
If you’re in Boston, get yours while they’re still in stock and reply to this email if you want them in your city 🤝
OUR 2023 PERSON OF THE YEAR
In the least surprising news of all time, Taylor Swift was selected by Time Magazine as their 2023 Person of the Year, beating out Vladimir Putin (probably dead), Sam Altman (probably a bad guy,) and Barbie (a fictional character.)
Boring. Here’s our selections for the first annual….
DAILY FRIDAY’S TIME MAGAZINE PERSON OF YEAR
Adam 22: He shared his wife with the world.
My Ex’s New Boyfriend Steve: Super sweet AND super jacked? Can’t even be mad at this all around good dude.
George Santos: He lied to the government and won the world. Need to get off the waitlist for his Cameos ASAP.
Boston Slide: took down the crooked Boston PD. That’s some Departed shit.
Jackson Mahomes: He put Taylor Swift on the map.
My Boy Chris: Did a ton of blow at the white house and still hasn’t been caught. Elusive king.
Tiffany Gomas: the only real one on the plane was her.
OceanGate Submersible: submersibles are people too.
Stepdad Greg: Let’s you drink in the basement with your buddies sometimes. Maybe not so bad after all.
Biden’s Dog Commander: Bit 11 White House security guards in one year. All time run.
And our winner: Guy Who Faked Heart Attacks to Get Out of Paying For 20+ Meals.
The Duke of Dine and Dash.
The greatest criminal mind of our time flew too close to the sun and was finally jailed after faking a heart attack at 20 restaurants to avoid the bill.
Read our full breakdown on the man who gave a masterclass in commitment to craft over the course of a 2-month con scheme that will go down in the history books.
WHO WAS YOUR 2023 PERSON OF THE YEAR??
MOST POPULAR CHRISTMAS MOVIES
Verryyyy problematic chart here. I don’t care how much the Arkansas football loves it, The Polar Express sucks. Weird graphics, Chet Hanks’ dad stinks, and the kid in the glasses is a know-it-all piece of shit. Just facts.
Also, who the fuck doesn’t like Elf? Diehard isn’t a Christmas movie (worst internet debate ever) and if you don’t like Christmas Vacation, you need to take a look in the mirror and ask yourself when you became such a wet blanket.
My biggest gripe? This chart is missing the two best Christmas movies: Klaus and Fred Claus. Cinema at its finest.
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NBA: The In-Season tournament is officially lit as fuck.
Semis are tomorrow night in Vegas after Lakers pull out win after controversial time-out and advance to face Pelicans and the Bucks drop 146 on the Knicks, move on to face Pacers. I didn’t know I needed this but I desperately do.
Tacko Fall is alive and well, and throwing down monster dunks on small Chinese men. This was always his destiny and I support it.
One is short and the other is tall. Got it?
NFL: The Jets can’t do anything right, can they? Aaron Rodgers is mad, Zach Wilson doesn’t want to play (maybe?) and Tim Boyle gets cut after 2 starts. Just end the season. Please.
Trevor Lawrence has high ankle sprain, could miss Sunday’s game.
Matt Leinart has a lot of complicated emotions about the hot tub pic. My only emotion is pure jealousy.
NHL: We got a Hughes brother reunion! Jack and Luke Hughes help the Devils beat Vancouver and their 3rd brother, Quinn Hughes, 6-5.
Looks like a photo booth pic from an SAE hockey themed formal, not 3 brothers who are professional athletes. That’s why hockey rocks.
MLB: Inspiring: if the Guardians can win the #1 overall pick with 2% odds, you can hit that 17 leg parlay tonight. Or have Dua Lipa DM you back.
Dodgers and Blue Jays are reportedly finalists in the Shohei Ohtani sweepstakes. Poor Mike Trout.
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
Nick Cannon reportedly spends $200k a year on Disneyland for his 12 kids and $0 on condoms. May I suggest Legoland instead? That place rocks.
Separate note: Drumline was fucking sick. When he played the drums of the rival band at half time, I legitimately gasped.
Father Yankee 🙏🏻 Daddy Yankee retires from music to focus on Christianity and ‘evangelizing the world.’ A Gasolina hymnal remix would go so hard.
Thank you for your confession, now say 4 Gasolina and 5 Despacitos my son.
John Kerry rips ass while ripping governments at climate change conference. Focus on your own emissions John 😏😏😏 (burn)
Thank you John for spreading awareness for the shitting your pants as an adult community. Brave as hell.
Good Morning America hosts that had public affair are still together a year later, and now their exes are dating each other. I’d watch the hell out of that movie/reality show/PornHub livestream.
Why do they all look like the same person to me?
THIS ONE SLAPPED
I have no idea how Willy and Rusty got the real Will Ferrell to come to their party. Absolutely bonkers.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
If people can find love on Duolingo, why can’t they find it on every other app?
This story of one Swedish zoo, 7 escaped monkeys, and the terrible situation that their keepers were placed in is insane.
Taylor may have won person of the year, but Beyonce’s Renaissance concert film was better.
George Washington never knew dinosaurs existed, sharks are older than trees and 10 other facts that mess with your perception of time.
TBT to when Victor Oladipo was on the Masked Singer. Dude has pipes.
Why am I crying in the club at this Chevy commercial? Brands are beautiful.
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