The Daily Friday: Wednesday 5/1

1. Trump fined for violating gag order after he posted online 10 times last month, claims he’s “the only Presidential Candidate is history to be GAGGED,” which is definitely a lie. You know JFK was a freak.

2. Binance founder sentenced to 4 months in jail, becomes the richest person to go to prison. He just needs to hire Kevin Hart to train him and he can recreate Will Ferrell’s 19th best movie.

3. Kendrick drops 8 minute Drake diss track named “Euphoria,” which is also how I learned Drake produced the HBO show. Rap hasn’t been this educational since Colt 45 taught me what sex was.

4. DEA moves to reclassify marijuana as a less dangerous drug while White House looks to forgive more prior offenses. They might forgive you but I never will. Sinner.

5. Dave & Buster’s just became the perfect first date spot for hustler’s. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

But first…a reminder to all the good folks in NYC, Friday Beers has finally arrived. We’ll be at Blue Haven South at 4 pm and Blue Haven East at 7 pm tonight watching the Rangers win, so come on by and scorch your suckhole with the crew.

If you can’t make it tonight, don’t you sweat: we’ve got more events all weekend long. At the very least, grab a 12 pack from a bodega near you. You won’t regret it.

DAVE AND BETTING

America’s #1 combination bar-restaurant-arcade (and my selection for chain to eat every meal at) just added another feather to their already illustrious cap: in-app live betting.

Yesterday, Dave and Buster’s announced a partnership with Lucra that would allow adults to wager $5 on arcade games with other guests, further cementing their status of the ideal first date spot for hustlers.

Here’s my perfect first date itinerary.

6:00 PM: I pick you up in a 2006 Honda Accord. I blow into a Breathalyzer to start the car because of a DUI that ‘wasn’t my fault.’ I hit a 0.079…success! 

6:19 PM: We arrive. The bartender sees me, clenches his jaw and yells, “Get this fucking guy out of here.” I yell “shut up Jerry, there’s no law that says you have to tip.” 

6:35 PM: Food arrives. I haven’t said a word for the past 16 minutes because I’m working on the NYT mini crossword. 

6:37 PM: I finish my chicken fingers and personal beer tower within 90 seconds, then glance at my watch and sigh loudly until you say you’re full. I ask for the check, which we split because I’m a feminist. 

6:45 PM: I trounce you in skeeball for an hour. I take $300 off you in live wagers and make you go to the ATM to pay me in cash.

7:47 PM: I suggest a sleepover at the D&B B&B. You decline.

7:56 PM: You decide to take an Uber home. I walk you to the car and lean in for the kiss. You turn away and I face plant into the sidewalk. 

3:41 AM: I add you on LinkedIn and endorse you for communication.

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NBA: Cavs pull out Game 5 win with a massive block by Evan Mobley on Franz Wagner’s game tying attempt. Welcome to America, idiot.

Tyrese Maxey makes a few lucky 3s and the Knicks got tired and it’s not their fault and they’ll win in Game 6 and I’m not worried and whatever.

Bucks stay alive, as they fend off the Pacers without Giannis or Dame to win Game 5, thanks in part to a fan who kept screaming his ass off on the TNT broadcast. Someone needs to put together a compilation ASAP.

NHL: Toronto wins Game 5 in Boston, keeps series alive with OT goal from Knies. I know this fan is fired the fuck up.

Colorado and Carolina advance to second round, while Preds stave off elimination against Vancouver. Full breakdown from the Empty Netters lads.

MLB: Mike Trout will get surgery for torn meniscus and miss several weeks. Dude must’ve done something horrible in a past life. He really has the worst luck.

A massive bee’s nest delayed a Diamondbacks game 90 minutes until a beekeeper arrived and executed the most high-stakes bee removal ever.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Don’t spend $600+ on pee-stained designer jeans. I have dozens of my own I can sell you for half that. Affordable urine-soaked-denim is my passion.

Gotta respect Drew Barrymore for making Kamala Harris look sane for once in this clip. I’m not going to call her Momala, even in a fire.

Anyone with a Facebook active grandparent can relate to Barbara Streisand’s IG comment. They love to treat every post like a private text message.

The Rock reportedly showed up late to shoots for his new film by 7-8 hours every day, costing the studio $50 million. At a certain point, he’s not late, you guys are just early.

HUMP DAY HERO

Vote on which person from today’s news is most deserving of the coveted title of Hump Day Hero. Congrats to last week’s hero, Seagull Boy, who dominated the European Squawking Competition at just 9 years of age.

NEW ORLEANS IS THE BEST CITY TO BE HUNGOVER IN

Episode 2 of Rusty’s travel show How Cool is out and it does not disappoint. Vibes are immaculate from start to finish (really liked the record store,) production quality is top notch and Rusty is the consummate host. A true man of the people. A+ work.

Get off your ass and subscribe now.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Extremely cool that this YouTube short film from a Harvard student got them a gig as the youngest ever director of a major studio film.

• For the first time in US history, 30 year olds aren’t doing as well as their parents were at 30. And they’re pissed about it. 

• Read this on your lunch break: All the Internet roads lead back to 2014.

• Not going to come up with a better caption for this video than this tweet, so why bother? Laughed out loud.

• We Need to Rewild the Internet.

• The reviews for the Challengers are finally in on r/BillSimmons and they did not disappoint. Just guys being dudes