The Daily Friday: Wednesday 6/26

1. Tesla issues Cybertruck recall for the fourth time since launching in November. Sure, the product doesn’t work, but at least it’s the ugliest vehicle ever created. Gotta count for something right?

2. Florida Panthers win Stanley Cup for the first time in franchise history. Very happy for the tens of Florida hockey fans who have suffered for so long. No one deserves this win more 🙏🏻

3. Trump and Biden will debate tomorrow night on CNN, with new rules that include no live audience and muted mics while the other is speaking. This is like Christmas Eve for meme pages. Buckle up.

4. WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange pleads guilty, will be free after legal saga. Thank god he never exposed my emails. Lot of mail-order bride convos and forwarding chains to avoid 7 years of bad luck.

5. Guys are currently raw-dogging flights. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

RAWDOGGING FLIGHTS

The latest Tik-Tok trend involves dudes sitting in silence during long flights, staring at flight maps and doing their best Strider Wilson impression.

GQ dropped a bombshell report on the trend and it’s time for to do a full deep dive. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

• ‘Raw-dogging’ a flight involves spending the entire trip staring silently at the flight map on the screen. No music, no movies, no book, no jacking off. Only way I’m doing this is if I get to sit next to Meadow Soprano.

• Some fellas view this process as a type of “meditation,” as you stare at the back of your seat and the sounds of the engine serve as white noise. I don’t think I could be alone with my own thoughts for more than 45 minutes, let alone 6+ hours. I have many demons from my dark and mysterious past that I HATE talking about unless you ask me about it or mention any topic at all.

• Others view ‘barebacking’ as a challenge, like a Tough Mudder or No Nut November, and turn down free snacks and even bathroom trips to avoid any and all indulgences. This feels like something Brion would do. I’m in.

Honestly, I’m torn. One one hand, the entire point of a long flight is to consume media. When else will you have several uninterrupted hours to crush some podcasts, read 3 chapters of a book or watch Oppenheimer on a dimly lit, 18 inch screen with the audio going in and out? Our ancestors did not invent prestige TV so you could waste your time ‘looking inward.’

On the other hand, any movement that forces national media outlets to use the word ‘rawdog’ and ‘bareback’ in their headlines is fine by me. Finally, these writers get to put their journalism degrees to work.

How about a compromise? We all just do the grown up thing on our next flight: get shit-faced off 9 whiskey gingers and fall asleep in the airplane bathroom. Like real men.

NYC FLIP CUP TOURNAMENT

Flip cup. $4 Friday Beers. Full DJ service. Your favorite newslettter writer in attendance (me.) What else do you need? If you’re in NYC, come through and have some beers with your boy tomorrow night.

NBA: The Nova Knicks are finally complete, after NY trades 4 first round picks for Mikal Bridges, their fourth member of the 2016 Villanova national championship team. Small price to pay for the power of friendship.

Can’t believe the Cavaliers hired Kenny Atkinson as their new head coach. Guy has zero podcasting experience.

MLB: It’s not even July and I think we have our winner for Fan Catch of the Year. No one is coming close to topping this one.

Busy afternoon for Jurickson Profar, who jacks a grand slam after being square in the middle of a benches clearing brawl. All in a day’s work.

GOLF: Tip of the cap to the Golf Galaxy employee who qualified for the PGA Tour 3 beers deep. Perfect amount of beers for elite athletic performance.

HOOPS: Please Cameron Brink, I’m begging you to retire before this 7’5, 16 year old from China makes the WNBA. Can’t have you getting hurt again.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Shoutout to the drunk guy who stole a yacht in Pittsburgh so he could float down the river and meet some Pirates players. Can’t believe that didn’t work.

Stop saying Abe Lincoln’s wax statue melted from the heat in DC. He’s just currently being visited by the ghost of Nancy Reagan. Let him enjoy himself.

Sucks for the dude who impersonated a police officer and pulled over a real detective. That’s just bad luck. Next time, recruit a friend and you can have a tight 90 minute, buddy comedy on your hands.

I refuse to play another round of golf if it’s not with a llama caddie. I don’t care if it’s only available in North Carolina….alpaca suitcase. AYOOOO!

HUMP DAY HERO

Vote on who is most deserving of the coveted title of Hump Day Hero. Congrats to last week’s hero, 9 Year Old Skater, who pulled off THREE 900s. Tony Hawk has nothing on him.

THIS ONE SLAPPED

Another fantastic piece of art. So many great moments, but genuinely laughed out loud at the Cash App bit at the end. 10/10. See you at Cannes.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Can’t tell if the future of prisons is the worst thing I’ve seen in my life or if it could change the game forever. Hopefully won’t have to find out.

• Completely forgot how wild the Rockets-Clippers tunnel meet up was. THIS LEAGUE.

• Read this on your lunch break: WikiLeaks document dumps that shocked the world.

• Feeling directionless? Picture your life at age 70.

• Harvard, the human remains trade, and the collectors who fuel the market. Wild read. 

• It’s time to lock in for the Finland Hobby Horse championships. Let’s ride. Kind of.