Snack Wrap is finally back at McDonald’s after 19 years of painful absence. Feels like Jordan coming out of retirement (not the Wizards time.) Plus, today is Free Slurpee day at 7/11. I LOVE BRANDS MORE THAN MY OWN FAMILY.
Superman movie out today, is already on track for a record box office. If it’s good enough for this baby, it’s good enough for me. PS - fantastic work on this party superpowers list from the fellas yesterday. Fire cups would rock.
Bieber’s drops surprise album called SWAG, which also features 3 songs with Druski. I’ll be honest, it is literally just now clocking to me that he’s been standing on business. Sorry it took so long.
Wimbledon starts to heat up, as Sinner battles Djokovic, aims for a rematch of last year’s final with Alcaraz. Meanwhile, NJ native Amanda Anisimova is the last great American hope. I just hope this lady’s watching. She’s real to me.
Scientists say Earth may be trapped in a giant void in space. And? Not my problem at all. If nothing matters, then that also means nothing is stopping me from having the greatest weekend in my entire life. Kick rocks, nerds.
PREDICTING NEXT WEEK’S HEADLINES
Reporting the news is easy. But reporting the future? That’s also incredibly easy.
Since you guys seemed to like to so much last time, we’re back with our latest segment out here at Daily Friday HQ: predicting next week’s headlines.
Going Lebron mode this week
Home Run Derby won by Cal Raleigh and his absolute dump-truck of an ass. My man is caked to high-heaven. No one deserves it more.
OnlyFans model has sex with 100 Benson Boone look-alikes in online stunt: Just putting it out there: next week is going to be a BIG week for Benson Boone.
Fans boycott Superman movie amid online outrage; claim Superman is a white American, not a Kryptonian immigrant. This is kind of what’s already happening.
Stevie Wonder exposed as not actually being blind, apologizes and claims he “didn’t know that’s what blind meant.” At a press conference, LeBron says he’s always known Stevie could see. Thank you Bron.
Labubu becomes most valuable company in the history of companies after launching Kylie Jenner themed doll: I’m dangerously close to having to learn what these things are. Please don’t make me.
JoJo Siwa and Tom Brady dating rumors heat up. He definitely heard her cover of Betty Davis eyes and had no choice but to ditch Sofia Vergara and pursue.
CHECKING IN ON OUR PREVIOUS PREDICTIONS (Friday 6/27): 2.5 / 6 correct.
Hot Dog Eating Contest Won By Joey Chestnut. Easy W. It’s like clockwork.
High-level Pentagon official falls in love with AI chatbot, leaks state secrets in moment of catastrophic horniness. Swing and Miss. Probably should’ve guess that a new version of Grok would be trained on Kanye West tweets though, my bad.
Alien’s arrival on Earth overshadowed by departure of Huda from the Love Island villa in stunning vote. 1 / 2 on this one. Can’t believe Huda is still on this show. Welcome, aliens.
Michael Cera says super bad slur on Instagram Live. You’re safe, Cera. For now.
Oprah and Orlando Bloom spotted canoodling at Bezos wedding, leave ceremony together in Venice water taxi. Didn’t happen (to our knowledge at least.) There’s still plenty of time.
Jason Kelce does another thing for attention. Again, this one was too easy. Not gonna lie though, this backlash was a little too much.
DOC’S LOCKS
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WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
I’m fully on board with Sea World booking the Ying Yang twins to perform at their stage. Hearing ‘Get Low’ drop with dolphin back up dancers is a dream. A wet dream.
Looks lit as hell
Thank you to Lily for AT&T, who has joined OnlyPhilanthropy to sell nude photos and donate the proceeds to charity. Finally some ethics in pornography.
Flo from Progressive could never (respectfully)
Brock Lesnar’s baby photo circulates online and it’s immediately become clear why his parents saw him and named him Brock. Came out of the womb benching 135.
He would have made an excellent blacksmith in the 1400s
I’ll be honest, it brings me a lot of joy to see 59-year-old billionaire Bill Ackman get roasted after his disastrous pro tennis debut. Not everyone gets to do everything. Stick to writing 1000000 word dissertations on Twitter about how the world is collapsing.
Bronny James deserves his spot more than Bill Ackman
You are not gonna find bigger mitts than Jeff Dabe, the man with the world’s largest hands. He’s gonna make some woman with a high pain threshold very happy one day
Ludacris could never
Who You Buying a Beer For?
HELP! MY MOTHER-IN-LAW IS IN THERE!
Covering the fire hydrant in lube is a move I didn’t know I needed in my bag until now. Well done, gents.
Season 6 is out and it’s 4/4 right now on bangers. Catch up on the greatest sketch comedy the Internet has to offer.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
I don’t have kids, but I completely understand where Tom Segura is coming from: seeing FSU win a national championship would easily be the best day of anyone’s life. Loved this new type of guest on Glory Daze.
Read this on your lunch break: How Private Equity is taking over Youth Sports.
The FBI agents who investigated the Epstein list have finally spoken out. Thank you for your service Daniel.
Wilt Chamberlain’s high school highlights in color just dropped and I’m gonna need to see that 100 point game footage. Little skeptical here.
I’ve always loved Nick Adams on Twitter, but I genuinely thought it was a satire or parody account. Is he actually going to be the Malaysian ambassador? Is this an elaborate bit? Can someone please answer?
This video has dug into my brain and refused to crawl out.
It’s Friday. Fuck it. The performance that won this year’s Yo-Yo National Championship, with System of the Down cranking in the background.
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