The Daily Friday: Monday 2/24

It’s another week in paradise. Here’s everything you need to know to sound smart.

1. Luigi Mangione appears in court Friday, draws massive crowd of women and singlehandedly revives the leather loafer industry. Meanwhile, I can’t even get unblocked by my ex on LinkedIn. Need to take notes.

2. Timmy Chalamet nabs Best Actor at SAG Awards, and delivers speech about how he wants to be one of the greats, is inspired by MJ and Phelps. Dude is on an all-time press tour run. How can you not like this guy?

3. Elon has had a busy few days, as one baby mamas sues him for paternity, the other has to Tweet him to get his attention, his DOGE email strategy stirs up controversy, and he pisses off the astronaut community. He really has the most stressful life, I’d be addicted to ketamine too.

4. Steve Smith Sr. makes an early push for our Horniest Ex-Athlete award after man leaks some extremely horny texts between his wife and Smith. This photo will now be used for every risky text I send moving forward.

5. Big weekend for Fox’s MLB broadcast team, as ESPN announces they will be dropping their national baseball TV coverage and A-Rod hits half-court shot to win Bucknell student $10k. Nomar would’ve made it from full-court.

PS - it’s that time of the month again. We are dropping another version of our monthly mailbag (catch up on previous versions) on Friday, so drop some questions 🤝🤝

CBB: Arizona basketball just dropped an edit of their student managers that goes extremely hard. Might have to place a massive future on them just for that.

Has there ever been on a more dominant performance on any level of sports than #11 during this baby crawl race? Any school with common sense would spend their entire NIL budget on this infant. It’s called a long term investment.

ALL HEART SEQUENCE: Oklahoma’s Duke Miles dives for a loose ball, gets several chompers knocked out on the court, immediately checks back into the game.

MLB: Mets are already off to a hot start in spring training with Juan Soto hitting a HR in his first at-bat and Keith Hernandez keeping his streak of being horny on the mic alive.

PGA: 31 year old Brian Campbell wins his first ever PGA tour event after a ball bounces off a tree and stays inbounds during a playoff hole. Iconic moment and fantastic move toasting the tree. Never forget who got you there.

NHL: There’s a new goon in hockey and its Justin Bieber at the Celeb All-Star game. If he hurt our boys Dan and Chris, I wouldn’t be able to sleep for a week.

NBA: My dad’s credit card is going to be working overtime now that Woj has decided to put the iPhones he used to break Woj bombs up for sale. Need all of them.

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Citizen of Connecticut, rest easy: the Serial Urinator has finally been nabbed. A woman who has been peeing on food in grocery stores since 2021 was finally caught. Awful. Now I have to pee on my food myself? Who has time for that?

All-time predicament for 2 French homeless guys who stole a credit card, used it to buy a lottery ticket, realized the ticket hit for $500k and now can’t cash it in without outing themselves. Plus, they have to live in France so their life kinda sucks all around.

Completely understand this guy freaking out at a poker tournament, flipping the tables, and ruining the entire event. I did the same exact thing during a marathon Ticket to Ride session this weekend after my NY-Miami train got blocked. I’d do it again.

Respect to the 11 year old who got tired of waiting in the car for his mom to pick up his sibling at daycare and drove the car into the building. You can’t just wait for life to come to you. You need to attack it with full force.

THE DOC’S LOCKS

Let’s check in with Dr. Locks MD for this week’s college hoops picks. Here’s a nice treat: the good folks at BetMGM HQ are offering a very special ‘Bet Get’ promo for new customers*. Bet $10 and get $1500 in free bets. That’s pretty good.

Make sure you sign up today using FBDAILY. Let’s rock.

SEASON RECORD: 1-2

#5 Houston at #9 Texas Tech: Houston ML (-124)

The Cougars are looking for revenge after a crushing one-point loss to the Red Raiders in OT just 3 weeks ago. Smart money’s on this team getting payback and locking up first place in the Big 12 as they gear up for a deep March run. Lock it in.

#12 Michigan at Nebraska: Michigan ML (-118)

Despite their loss to Michigan State over the weekend, the Wolverines have been hot as of late and are rounding into form as a dark horse candidate to make a Final Four run. Nebraska’s solid but look for Michigan to take care of business on the road. Book it.

*First Bet Offer for new customers only. Subject to eligibility requirements. Bonus bets are non-withdrawable. In partnership with Kansas Crossing Casino and Hotel.See BetMGM.com for Terms. US promotional offers not available in New York, Nevada, Ontario, or Puerto Rico.

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MONDAY MOVE

Generational move. You’re already waiting forever and spending a fortune at the doctor these days anyways, might as well get a free PPV movie out of it. Thank you to this upstanding gentleman for passing your wisdom down to the next cohort. All class.

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STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Monday Motivation: attack your job this week the same way these professional bed-makers attack a mattress corner. Oddly soothing video.

• Read this on your lunch break: The End of Children.

• Want to spice up your next pregame? Snag yourself the Almost Friday card game at Target. Trust me, it’ll go exactly like this right here.

• Good read on if YouTube and ‘Beast Games’ are truly the future of TV. I give it a firm maybe.

• Have I been sleeping on peak Harlem Globetrotters? Had no idea how electric they were in the 1960s.

• Fuck it. Tyrann Mathieu LSU highlights. Just because it’s Monday.