The Daily Friday: Monday 4/21

It’s another week in paradise. Here’s everything you need to know to sound smart.

1. Boston Marathon won by John Korir of Kenya during the 250th anniversary of the Revolutionary War, as he and his brother become first siblings to both win. He better start training for next year’s race ASAP: the robots are coming.

2. Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth allegedly shared details of military plans in a SECOND Signal group chat that included his brother, wife and his lawyer. Kinda wild group chat combination. Wonder what else they were chatting about.

3. NBA Playoffs tip off over the weekend, as the Knicks go 21-0, Jeff Van Gundy wrestles Jokic, the Grizzlies need to just go home and Joe Mazzulla treated Jayson Tatum like a little brother faking an injury in the backyard.

4. ‘Sinners’ takes home $48M in the opening weekend, finally dethroning the Minecraft movie for #1 in the box office. There is truly only one thing powerful enough to take down Chicken Jockey: Hailee Steinfeld. As is written.

5. Hot start to the NHL playoffs, as the Leafs draw first blood in Ottowa (literally,) Avalanche dominate and a buzzer-beater empty netter saves the day. Speaking of Empty Netters, the boys are here for all your hockey needs this postseason.

CONCLAVE 2025

I’ve never hammered a Nick Castellanos anytime HR bet faster.

After a long battle with pneumonia and 12 years on the throne, the Pope has passed away this morning at the age of 88 years old. LET’S BREAK IT DOWN.

• Before passing away this morning, one of the last people the Pope saw on Easter was JD Vance, who was visiting the Vatican. First JD breaks the national championship trophy and now this? I need to introduce him to my parole office ASAP. He’d take care of that problem real quick.

• While the world mourns and prepares for the successor, the Interim Pope will be a man named Kevin from Dublin. I would absolutely watch an Interim Pope 6 episode mini-series. You just know there are gonna be some fun, wacky hijinks while everyone learns valuable lessons about responsibility.

• Speaking of next steps, Conclave will begin in 15 - 20 days at the Vatican, as a group of cardinal will elect the next Pope among them. If it’s anything like the movie, it’ll be gripping, well-acted and emotionally grounded, while choosing an ending that felt unserious, unearned and unnecessary.

• If you haven’t seen the movie and didn’t have to go to CCD as a child, here’s a quick refresher for what goes down at the ‘Clave.

  • The Cardinal Electors of the papal conclave gather at the Vatican to vote who amongst them will serve next.

  • Only cardinals under the age of 80 can vote (there are 135 of them.) We need this in our government tbh.

  • Four daily ballots are held until a candidate gets 2/3 vote.

  • After each round, the ballots are burned: Black Smoke means no choice and White Smoke means a selection has made. Very Paul Revere lantern vibes.

  • The process can take anywhere from 10 hours to 2 YEARS. Imagine being holed up with your boys for 2 years? That’d be kinda sick.

• Currently, there’s no clear front-runner for which Cardinal will be the next Pope, though technically, any Catholic man can be the Pope. Imagine we got a Pope Wahlberg?

Pope Francis will be remembered as many things: the first Latin-American Pope ever (and first non-European elected in 1,300 years,) a trailblazer for modernizing the Catholic Church (I liked this quote a lot,) and one of the best combo-guards in modern memory. A remarkable life for a former bouncer. RIP.

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Give Every Man Jack a shot today. 

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

Monday Motivation: learn from this Kenyan wedding guest and NEVER let anything stand in the way of our goals. Even if that means you have to dangle from a helicopter.

Drummer from band New Pornographers was arrested for child pornography. Like finding out Bowling for Soup’s drummer loved split pea. Never could’ve seen it coming.

Just got extremely jealous of this guy, who “took a vacation with the Taliban — and fell in love with a terrorist as we watched 'Gossip Girl.” Need to do more stuff like that.

Shoutout to these penguins in a Japanese aquarium, who are on a hunger strike after staff tried to introduce cheaper food that they simply refuse to eat. Know your worth.

MONDAY MOVE

Love this move. It’s like the old saying goes: your boy’s casa es su casa. Siempre.

Reminds me of an excellent question from our mailbag a few months back (we’re due for a new one by the way, submit questions here) though that one was more focused on sleeping in his home vs. hanging. Either way, the point stands - every house should have an open door policy between friends.

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• Extremely convincing performance from Billy in this video. Not even sure he was really acting, to be honest. Basically what he’s like every day in the office.

• Read this on your lunch break: The Techno-Uptopians Who Want to Colonize the Sea.

• They really don’t make women like Jessica Rabbit anymore do they? They never made them like that to begin with, but whatever.

• My heart breaks for the guy who fell in love and had a romantic and sexual relationship with his car named Chase, only to see it totaled in an accident.

• It was hard enough to kill conspiracy theories online, but now it’s borderline impossible and swinging elections. Another solid read.

• This clip is exactly why Russillo is the GOAT. And he always will be.

• It’s Monday. Here’s a meme that made me smile. And one that made my cry. And one that brought back some fond middle school memories. Enjoy.