The Daily Friday: Wednesday 3/12

1. R. Kelly says he’s written 25 albums in 3 years of prison, putting him on pace for 250 albums over his 30 year sentence. We could be sitting hundreds of hours of Trapped in the Closet lore. These can never see the light of day.

2. Southwest Airlines announces bags will no longer fly for free, removes free checked bag policy that has existed for 60+ years. I’m so over flying at this point. Can we just switch to the Margaritaville Train Line and call it a day?

3. Ex-Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg allegedly asked a female employee to ‘come to bed’ on a work trip and made another buy $13k of lingerie for her. Female executives can do anything male ones can.

4. Trump buys new Tesla in front of White House in show of support for Elon Musk and drops iconic line: “Wow….everything is computer.” Going to be hard for me to not say that every single time I get into a Tesla Uber this year.

5. Rich Rodriguez is banning WVU football players from doing Tik-Tok dances. Feel like I’ve seen a Disney Channel Original Movie with this exact plot. He’ll be dancing with the players by Week 7 & it’ll be heartwarming as hell.

NHL: Can’t believe the Leaf’s Simon Benoit landed this Superman punch. Doesn’t matter that he ended up losing the fight. This photo will live forever

Just when we’d given up hope forever, Cookie came through when we needed him the most. Never say die.

NCAAB: The ref who called this foul and ended Pitt’s season needs to have his whistle taken away forever.

The McNeese student manager keeps stacking up W’s like it’s his job, doing press conferences, signing NIL deals, and personally sending the team to the Southland Conference finals. Please God don’t let him get cancelled for old Tweets or horny DMs. We need something to believe in right now.

God, there’s nothing better than conference tournament season. Dr. Locks and Glue Guy dropped some sneaky long-shots that could pay off big-time this week. Lock in.

NBA: Insane four point play from Tyrese Haliburton at the buzzer to pull off the last second win over the Bucks. At least Darvin Ham was as locked in as ever.

I watched this entire video of Suns players saying the age they lost their virginity and realized that I officially have nothing in common with NBA players.

MLB: Might be in the minority, but neither of these hats do it for me. More of a personality guy tbh. Personally prefer the Angels one if we’re being honest.

SUN’S OUT, RUM’S OUT

It’s been a long winter, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We are knocking on the door of prime good weather season and I can feel it in my bones. Can you? 

When the sun finally starts to come out and the vibes start to turn up, nothing hits the spot quite like a Bacardi & Cola. The recipe is simple. Just 1.5 parts Bacardi Superior Rum, 3 parts cola, and a littleeee lime as garnish and you’re ready to rock. 

So what are you waiting for? Go find your perfect cocktail mix today. 

WHAT ELSE IS GOOD

I will be telling my grandkids about the day this Sacramento Kings fan touched God during the halftime gas pump challenge. That pump did not stand a chance.

RFK Jr. visits Steak N’ Shake to thank them for removing seed oils from fries, invents an entirely new way to stand. Man is constantly innovating.

Hustler of the week goes to the Shanghai HR manager who created 22 fake employees and pocketed their salaries over 8 years. Very impressive. Genuinely don’t think I could come up with 22 different names.

Ne-Yo introduces ‘my Pyramid,’ the group of 4 girlfriends he’s in a polyamorous relationship with. Thanks for making us fell 4x as bad about our lives, man.

HUMP DAY HIPPO

Let today be a lesson in persistence for all of you.

Some brief context: we ran this segment every week for about 3 months in 2024. The hippos and write-ups got increasingly insane and deranged. It was fun, but we got some overwhelming feedback that it was everyone’s least favorite segment. Fine.

So, we decided to scrap this segment in 2025. However, we have had one brave reader respond to every single email this year begging for it back. Well, Callum: we heard you and we listened. Enjoy this hippo today.

Let it be known, loyal Daily Fridayians worldwide. The voice of one extremely vocal minority will always be heard, if you are relentless enough in your pursuit of representation. Be well and namaste.

VANKAH HOURS SEASON 2

The boys at Red Flags Pod are back with the legend Guenther Stein for Season 2 of Vankah Hours, breaking down predictions for the upcoming 2025 F1 season. Can’t miss this one.

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FIND COVERAGE

STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY

• The deleted Friday Beers drinking challenge was deemed too chaotic to release on YouTube three years ago. Our editors risked their lives releasing the uncut version. Don’t make their sacrifices be in vain: watch that shit now. 

• Read this on your lunch break: Is God a Mushroom?

• Spent about 45 minutes today watching Jeff Teague story-telling clips. One of the funniest people in the world right now. Everything on this thread is gold.

• The finalist for Underwater Photos of the Year actually blew my mind. I genuinely can’t believe we share a planet with half of these things.

• We have officially entered the age of consuming sports through bite-sized clips. Time to accept it and embrace it.

• A Coors Light hates to see this Dad coming. This video brought a tear to my eye (complimentary.)

• It’s Hump Day. Let’s cruise into the afternoon with this incredible display of badminton excellence for a certified big fella. Greatness like you read about.