UN warns of a coming ‘Super El Nino,’ as the WMO predicts the powerful weather pattern has an 80-90% chance of occurring before November. Folks, just a quick reminder that is Spanish for The Super Nino. Hope that helps.
NBA Finals tips off tonight in San Antonio, as the Knicks have the power of the Pope behind them while the Spurs are supported by a horde of nuns. All the ingredients for an all-time classic series. Shirt up.
George Santos is being investigated for Kalshi insider trading after announcing he’d be at the SOTU, betting that he wouldn’t, and then no-showing. Flawless plan. I’m shocked that this man would lie about anything.
Hackers tricked Meta’s AI chatbot into letting them take over high profile Instagram handles by asking it for help changing their email to the hacker’s. Life lesson: asking nicely always works. Will try this in court next week.
Scary Movie 6 prepares for release on Friday, as the latest installment in the parody franchises continues the run of horror-adjacent movie domination. I’m crushed this bong popcorn bucket is fake but this phone will do in a pinch.
OFFICE BIRTHDAY STEAK
This entry is a small taste of the content from our absolute boys over at Could Be The Movesletter. Give them a sub for gold in your inbox every Friday.
Communal 72oz steak would just hit the spot
Cake has made some great strides over the last decade. Susie and Nothing Bundt have certainly raised the bar when it comes to the taste of an average mainstream cake. Pre-2014, the “cake’s overrated” take wasn’t that hot. I mean, those 2002 stock, off the shelf, bullshit cakes that were served with bottles of Shasta and Cool Ranch Doritos at your average 10 year old birthday party were ass. Had to increase the frosting to cake ratio to get that puppy down. Chasing it with Sprite like some $2 tequila shot.
Even with the advances average cake has made, I still prefer a different dessert on my special day. Company I work for has been tossing in some birthday donuts and Crumbl Cookies lately. I like Crumbl and love donuts, but feel like we might be overdoing it.
Then I started thinking, why not go the savory route? Just roll up with a big ol’ tomahawk, ribeye, New York strip, couple filets? How about a massive bowl of pasta or a big order of Olive Garden breadsticks? Hell, I’d be pumped for some elite jerky! Everyone gets a sliver. Help everyone in the office hit their macros. No guilt going back for seconds. Getting pumped just thinking about it.
What about this… if it’s an office birthday celebration, you know, the whole, gather the team together, huddle around the birthday guy/girl’s desk, sing happy birthday. What if the crew rolls up with nothing. The “to yoouuu” fades, little applause. Then the boss goes, “Take an hour, go drink two beers. Steve will drive you.” Steve’s your boy and gives you a thumbs-up. Chills.
WHAT ELSE IS GOOD
If you watch one thing from this newsletter, make it this video of a kid doing bird calls at his middle school talent show. Remarkable stage presence, talent and sense of the moment. He had that entire crowd wrapped around his finger and he knew it. 10/10.
Every time he tosses a bird, I just lose it. I hope he does adult birthday parties or corporate gigs. Need to book him for something ASAP.
BREAKING: a new ‘people emerging from NYC tunnels’ story has hit the timeline. Been 2 years since this, so figures that we’re due. The only thing that should be coming out of the NYC underground are teenage turtles that love fighting crime & pizza.
this was one of the more bizarre internet moments of the decade
Really pissed me off to see Kevin O’Leary say that Gen Z shouldn’t eat lunch and should invest in the S&P 500 instead. Lunch is not a luxury! It shouldn’t cost $28! Just the next iteration of the ‘stop buying coffee and you can afford a home’ finger-wag.
Top 5 most tone deaf person alive and he’s not 5
At a certain point, you simply have to tip the cap to this woman who was hit with a 4 week jail sentence after trying to smuggle 981 cigarettes into Hong Kong without declaring it. If a crime is funny enough, you should get to walk off scot-free.
No clue how she got caught. It was the perfect plan.
Well, it finally happened. Our first love Dua Lipa has married Callum Turner to make us jealous and our long, torrid love affair appears to be on pause for the time being. Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened (and enjoy this video.)
Censored in case your boss is looking over your shoulder while you read this. I don’t understand how you can wear this in public. I’m not complaining, I just don’t understand. But I also don’t get how the stock market works so take that for what it is.
Who Was Today's Hump Day Hero?
HUMP DAY HIPPO CARTOON CHARACTER OF THE WEEK
Everyone: meet Dolph the Fascist Hippo. Dolph, this is…everyone. We’re big fans already (I think.)
Dolph is a Danish cartoon character, who is large, blue, extremely xenophobic and always armed with a baseball bat. He constantly tries to convince the world that it should accept him as a ruler, but is frustrated by his lack of success, which I can relate to. He hates seals, hippies, male hairdressers and the Danish Prime Minister Anders Fogh Rasmussen, which again, I completely understand.
I’m assuming we’re not supposed like him because he’s fascist but I don’t understand a lick of Danish so I get very lost watching clips. I’ll be honest - it’s going to be hard to get me to dislike anything hippo-adjacent. If that makes me a fascist, so be it.
GOLF WITH A GEOGRAPHY HANDICAP
Had to break the maps out for this bad boy. Another electric piece of content from the premier YouTube golf channel on the web right now.
STUFF TO CLICK WHEN YOU’RE BORED TODAY
It doesn’t get more electric than Big John setting a world record for naming 40 Chinese dishes in 30 seconds, off the top of his dome. Only comparable category I could come close in is Jets players and I didn’t even touch it.
Read this on your lunch break: Why YouTubers Are Turning Hollywood Upside Down.
Nothing breaks a father’s heart quite like his son not wanting to play for the Savannah Bananas. No parent should have to suffer that.
I love Borat as much as the next guy, but this article on what happened to the village Sacha Baron Cohen based the movie on 20 years later kinda bums me out. Justice for Glod.
No one did it like Norm, even when it came to ad reads. Anyone else craving a Mangrate for the summer?
The World Cup is coming and so is Gianni Infantino, one of the scariest gentlemen ever. Very solid read.
It’s Hump Day. Fuck it. Crowds getting free food but increasingly losing their mind even more. It’s the simple things in life.
Like our newsletter? You’ll love our podcast. Episodes out every Tuesday and Thursday, wherever you get your podcasts.
How Friday Was Today's Post?
