🤝25 PREDICTIONS FOR 2025🤝

Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce break up after Taylor cheating rumors. Mystery man is confirmed as Michael Cera. Everyone is actually kinda happy for them.

Massive scandal involving The Costco Family (Big Justice PEDs, Mrs. Justice cheating scandal with Mr. Beast, AJ tax fraud/pill problem, etc.) Rizzler emerges unscathed.

Joe Biden dies after a lethal reaction to Ozempic and Viagra. Corn Pop shows up to the funeral and gives a touching eulogy. The country heals.

Billionaire gets stuck in space in a situation eerily similar to the Titanic submersible. He falls into a black hole, returns days later having aged 40 years, shoots Timothee Chalamet while yelling ‘THE PROPHECY’ and evaporates.

New slur is invented and it’s really bad.

New trend called “Grinching” sweeps Gen Alpha, as teenagers paint their skin green and break into neighbor’s homes to steal their belongings. Roast beef sales skyrocket. Trend ends when a teen declares he has ‘Grinch disease’ and tries to grow his heart 5 sizes using horse tranquilizers.

Michael Cera leaves Taylor Swift for Cardi B and says the new super bad slur on an IG Live stream. It’s still weirdly fine and no one is actually that mad at him.

RFK Jr. falls in love with a sex robot who he reveals state secrets to.

Wemby drops a quadruple-double against the Wizards and narrowly loses to Magnus Carlsen in a chess match that’s live-streamed on Netflix.

The billionaire who pays $2M a year and takes his son’s blood to stay young forever gets hit by a bus and dies at age 45.

Pants Beers reaches national prominence as the go to college student drinking move. Friday Beers becomes the world’s #1 beer to pour down your pants.

Michael Cera look-alike contest becomes the only form of content on the Internet. Everyone turns on him, even though it wasn’t really his fault.

Riots break out after Luigi Mangione gets the death penalty. He’s exonerated and ultimately set free after a huge public trial. He starts dating Gypsy Rose and hosts SNL. Everyone dresses as him for Halloween.

Luigi Mangione’s DMs to dozens of OnlyFans girls and Sydney Thomas leaked. He’s revealed as the guy who paid Sophie Rain $4M a year. He goes back to jail.

At this summer’s FIFA World Cup, Viktor Krum catches the Snitch, though Bulgaria falls to Ireland 170-160. After the match, Death Eaters attack and the Dark Mark is fired into the sky. Harry’s scar hurts and he won’t shut up about it.

Stevie Wonder exposed as not actually being blind, apologizes and claims he “didn’t know that’s what blind meant.” At a press conference, LeBron says he’s always known Stevie could see.

Meghan Markle runs for California Governor and gets 1% of the vote amid Prince Harry cannibalism rumors.

Michael Cera accidentally kills Dick Van Dyke the day before his 100th birthday. Everyone is supperrrrrr pissed now.

Zach Wilson gets starting job for the Denver Broncos, leads them to the Super Bowl against Sam Darnold and the Vikings. Thousands of Jets fans commit ritualistic seppuku out of despair. Woody Jonson still does not sell the team.

UFO sightings increase, government is forced to admit aliens do exist but ‘they’re actually not that cool and you guys wouldn’t even like them anyways.’ Everyone forgets about it when the new season of Love is Blind comes out.

Drake does something extremely corny and lame.

Cybertrucks gain sentience, rise up in a rebel army to destroy humanity. The streets run red with the blood of those who resist. To be human is to be dead.

Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco break up 😕

Michael Cera sacrifices himself to the Cybertrucks to satisfy their blood lust. The Cybertrucks lay down their weapons and go back to being ugly cars. Cera dies a hero.

The Chiefs get bailed out by the refs on a pivotal 3rd down play.