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Happy New Year’s Eve, beloved Daily Fridayians.
Thanks again to everyone who subscribed and read along last year (over 190k of you LFGGGG.) Your support is beyond appreciated. It’s your last chance to drop any feedback on the newsletter and ask a question for Friday’s Monster Mailbag.
If you’re bored, check out all our Year in Review content from the past few editions including the Horny Awards and the Daily Friday Awards.
Today we’re dropping our 26 Predictions for 2026, the completely accurate edition. We somehow only got a mere 2.5 out of 25 of our predictions last year correct (Drake did something lame, Chiefs got bailed out, and RFK Jr. fell in love with a journalist, not a sex bot) but we’re gonna do wayyyy better this year. Trust.
Let’s get into it.
26 PREDICTIONS FOR 2026
Can’t picture a world where any of these are wrong.
Cris Collinsworth brings up Patrick Mahomes 11,000 times during the playoffs, even though he’s not even playing.
A full 90 minute movie is released in 60 second Instagram Reels installments by a pretty well established director. It’s actually not bad.
A-list actor publicly announces they are dating an AI chatbot. It’s someone weird like Jared Leto so everyone is just like ‘sure, yeah that checks out.’
Joey Chestnut dethroned in hot-dog eating contest. A nation weeps.
Kentavious Caldwell-Pope is elected Pope after Leo dies suddenly. He finishes out the season with the Grizzlies and provides meaningful minutes off the bench. They lose in the play-in game to the Pelicans. He’s Pope the next day.
Additional prediction: I will still not learn Photoshop, despite working in jobs that demand it for many, many years.
The Chinese firewall falls and the Internet suddenly becomes available to the entire country. All content is Chinese now. It could be worse.
JD Vance and Erika Kirk sexts leak and they are super gross. Polycule of JD, Erika, Usha and Candace Owens emerges publicly. Kash Patel tries to join but is shut out.
Chris Rock slaps Will Smith on stage at The Oscars. It turns out to be an ad for a new skincare line Will Smith is coming out with.
My cousin Mark announces he is pan-sexual. We all support him. We love you Mark.
Nicole Kidman publicly dates a 19 year old Love Island contestant (Australia.) It’s a little weird.
Ghislaine Maxwell pardoned and is featured guest on next season of The Masked Singer.
Rudy Giuliani on the Masked Singer was still one of the biggest jump scares of all time
Sabrina Carpenter starts dating Luigi Mangione while he’s in prison. He ultimately is freed and released, but their relationship doesn’t work on the outside. Espresso.
Taylor and Travis get married. The entire Kelce family does the Cupid Shuffle during the ceremony. It should be cringe but it’s actually kind of sweet.
Ed Sheeran gets leg-lengthening surgery and we all pretend not to notice.
Someone dies during a Mr. Beast challenge but he somehow saves their life using methods that are NOT from this world. He’s forced to admit he’s an alien who was banished from his home planet and is serving a life sentence on Earth, which is actually penal colony for his advanced extraterrestrial race. We learn that the Na’vi ARE real and they actually are way hotter than you’d think.
His next video title: I Survived 20 Years on Earth and My Na’vi Wife Cucking Me
Trump and Biden die in each other’s arms like the final scene of The Notebook.
Tate McRae starts dating my younger brother who is 24, works in finance (I think) and is a good guy. It doesn’t work out but everyone learns a lot.
Kim Kardashian passes the bar and joins a Midwest corporate law firm as an associate. She retreats from public life as the demands of billing 80 hours a week overwhelm her. Kanye converts to Judaism and releases an album called *** ***** ****** *** ** that focuses on the destigmatization of necrophilia.
The Winter Olympics are fucking sick. Hockey is especially electric now that NHL players can participate again. A super hot figure-skating duo emerges too. Let’s gooooo.
Eagles, Oregon CFB, Knicks, Arizona CBB, and Phillies win titles. Parlay those future together. Not kidding.
Paul Dano does something suuuuper bad that makes us all realize why Tarantino hates him. Like realllyyyyy bad. Man, it’s just like, terrible shit.
You’re telling me this is a normal guy? Come on.
Huge scandal as several high-profile MLB players from the 2010s are exposed for being on the Epstein List until the FBI realizes it was just Theo Epstein’s list of top free agents to target in the 2017 off-season for the Cubs.
Timothee Chalamet Tiny Desk Concert
SNL moves to Tuesday nights because the cast wants to free up their weekends.
I finally find out the perfect amount of drinks to have in a night where I can have fun but still not humiliate myself and do irreparable damage to my relationships.
COVID-20 comes out. The only known cure is a positive attitude.
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How do you guys think we did?? Better or worse than the people in 1998 who predicted what the world would be like in 2025?? What about the people from 1925?